Hollandaise and Guilt

I have become a terribly unfaithful blogger. Henceforth, wherefore, howforth..... I vow to be better about this. You know, people, apparently blog for money. Maybe there are people that want to read about my life. Highly doubtful, but that would be interesting. I could be like, a famous blogger one day.... crazy stay at home mom.... I like it.

So here's the latest news for me!! I have just finished my first semester at the culinary program. So far I did get an A in Intro to Culinary Arts (first 8 weeks), College Success Skills (second 8 weeks), and I am pretty confident I got an A in Stocks, Soups and Sauces (but haven't received my final practical grade, or project grade.... still confident), and I mean, unless I TOTALLY EFFED my final in Sanitation and Safety (which I doubt I did) then I got a VERY high A in that class. He kept my project to show future classes as an example. :D I am such a nerd. I am psyched about having 3 weeks off..... and about next semester. The next round of of classes is some Nutrition class, Meat, Seafood, and Poultry Preparation, and Fruit, Vegetable, Starch Preparation.... and Food and Beverage Service Management... starting January 12th. I really have no idea what to do with my Wednesdays for the next few weeks, but how exciting. Also, I think I feel most happy because I have gotten through the first semester, worked hard, and it paid off. Furthermore, I still want to keep going. I was terribly afraid I was going to get through one semester and find I really didn't want what I thought I wanted at all, but that isn't the case. I am just as passionate about food and taking my skills to another level as I was before. I constantly finding myself trying to learn as much as I can about food, and the culinary industry.

I also might begin working soon. I know that I've said this before, but I had an interview with a lady that owns her own catering business and she needs an assistant. Now, she really can't afford to pay for an assistant, and I really can't afford for her to NOT pay me, but we were really drawn to each other (after 3 weeks of e-mails and sudden events preventing us from meeting). I feel like God put this opportunity in my life for a reason, and he is just saying "Trust Me". So, despite the fact we have discussed no real details, I am making myself available for this, and I am going to dedicate myself to this job, even if it's only a few hours a week. Perhaps it will grow to more. For me to be working for a catering company is awesome number one. Number two, what she needs is exactly what I'm good at. I am super-organized... almost to an OCD level... so I know I can help her. Anyway, I really liked her, and of course I am interested in learning anything I can regarding food. More to come on this after Christmas, and maybe the New Year.

Trevor and I have begun to attend church, which makes me happy. I got to the point in my life when I really felt like.... "Everything is so wrong, and I can never fix it. God HAS to be the only thing right". I am starting to learn to surrender to God, and follow His path for me, rather than trying to carve out my own. After losing my best friend of over a decade... by her choice, I was overcome with grief and sorrow. She was basically the only person I felt understood me-- loved me no matter what flaws I had, and we always, always had fun together. Truthfully, I felt as though she was my only friend. I have no job, and I think maybe I'm a bit shy in real life, and all the people that used to be my friend either weren't very good friends to begin with, don't live near me, or stopped being my friend for one reason or another. After a while, you start to feel like it's you. I kept thinking, what is so wrong with me that no one will be my friend? Why does no one love me? I spent a lot of time being sad, depressed, and wallowing in self-pity. I still do that sometimes, but mostly, I have become overwhelmed with gratitude for what God has given me. All the things that I have that lots of people don't. My beautiful, beautiful, Lily. I am learning to believe that if I just do what God has planned for me, everything will be alright. I am feeling like, if I just have Him, I can make it.

Aaahhhh, Lily. She is getting bigger all the time. Her last doctor visit weighed her in at 21 lbs, 11 oz, and 2 1/2 feet tall, with a head circumference of 18 inches. The doctor said she was REALLY smart. Lily says haaaaiii (Hi), Baaah Baayyyeee! (Byebye), socks, shoes, poopoo (my fave), peepee, mama, daddy, oma, "did it" (I did it), Seeit? (Can I see it...?), milk, and various other endless babbles that are obscenely adorable. Also, the last few days her thing is to see something she likes and pucker her lips and say "oooOOOOOoooo". She likes things with buttons to press. In the morning, she does my daily Webkinz activities while sitting my lap. I load each game, and she presses the mouse button for Wishing Well, Wheel of Wow, and she laughs every time Arte talks. She can walk on her own, but refuses to do it. When she gives hugs now, she pats you on the back. She blows kisses, and tells you when she wants to go "nigh, nigh" (night, night). She also insists on having a cookie (which is actually a rice cake... or anything from a crinkly bag) whenever she gets in the car. If you try to give her a juice, she slaps it out of your hand. She has learned to throw incredible temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. She insists on having her own to spoon to hold while she eats. She rarely uses it (but always tries), and refuses to take a bite unless it's in her hand. We have this cat we are feeding that was left here or something. She chases it around the house howling in laughter. I am dying to get her a puppy. Her molars are poking through the gums. She doesn't cry endlessly really, but she is an expert whiner now, and has crossed into a phase that doesn't always involve her being the angel she once was. Still, she is the most joyful thing in my life, and I am so happy with her.

For Christmas, I am going to meet Trevor's whole family. I have only met his parents, his sister, and his grandparents, and his mom's sister before. We are driving up to DC on Monday and staying the night there. Then, Tuesday morning we are going to a tour of the Pentagon. How freakin' cool is THAT?! We are having dinner there, and then coming back that night or the next day. I have this Brazilian friend in my culinary class, and he is all by himself for Christmas, so I am thinking of forcing him to tag along with me and Lily and Trevor. Christmas morning we are going to my Dad's I believe for brunch and presents. Then, I usually stop by my mother's house... as well as my aunt's, because my grandmother and other aunt are usually there, also. I love seeing all my family and I love the holidays so much! I have been doing odd and end jobs for my Dad so that I can get a present for Trevor and a few things to put under the tree for Lily without using the money Trevor earns to do it. I have so far cleaned off two decks, cleaned out 30 or so window sills, and re-organized a garage. Good thing Dad pays well! ;) Anyway, more on what I am getting everyone later... after Christmas... when there is no danger it might get read. I am thinking I might grab Mateos (my Brazilian food friend) a couple things so he can open something at each house. Like, a calendar, an American cookbook, and a guide to Richmond or something. I really need to get shopping seeing as Christmas is in exactly 1 week and I have not bought anything for anyone. Nice. Also, I have filled out 5 Christmas cards out of the about 20 I need to do. What am I DOING all day!?

Resolutions to be Considered for the New Year:

-blog more
-continue to do awesome at school
-follow only God's path
-relax more, worry less
-lose at least 50 lbs


.... more thought to come on that. I still have a couple of weeks.

Sunday and New Books

I like Sundays. I usually spend Saturdays and/or Sundays cleaning my house and doing laundry. I spend hours doing homework, which, for a geek like me, isn't that bad. Most of all, I like a Sunday with a new book. Well, I got the next two books in the Twilight series.... and something about having a brand new book with its glossy smooth cover, and crisp pages. The smell of a new book, too. I also got a cute new bookmark that is made of thin metal but it has a cute saying on it ("Shoot for the moon-- even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" -Les Brown) and it has ribbon with little moon and star charms attached. Me likey. Trevor always bitches about how I fold the pages of the book, and recently I had a discussion with someone else about it (but I forgot who) and so I am trying to be a bookmark-user instead of a corner-folder. I somehow feel much more cool with a cute bookmark peeking out of my copy of New Moon-- the book series for teens. Whatev.

Lily is down for a nap so this is the IDEAL time period to immerse myself in the world of Edward and Bella.

****SPOILER ALERT**** If you are reading Twilight or New Moon stop reading this now (unless you are reading New Moon and you are past the first 100 pages).













HOW COULD HE LEAVE HER?!?!?!?!?!?! And took the CD!! AND THE PICTURES!!!! *cries*

Loss.

My best friend since third grade hates me. I have no idea why. Actually, I can't EXACTLY remember the last time we saw each other.... I know that I have called more times than I could count. I have texted, and e-mailed.... almost to the point of sad stalkerness. No response. Trevor suggested I just write her a goodbye letter (as this has been going on for a couple of months). He figured either she would respond, or not... in which case I would have closure at least. I would KNOW our friendship is over. But I don't want closure and I don't have it either.

I hate that I spend part of EVERY DAY wondering what I could have done to make her never want to talk to me again. I hate that I rack my brain thinking about every text I sent, every comment I've made, every action.... what did I do? I hate that I will never share anything with her again. I hate that my daughter won't know her growing up. She was like a sister to me. I hate that I see things in the store and think about how she would like them... make a mental note to come get things as a Christmas present I won't ever give. Most of all, I hate that I care so much. I hate that I feel so pathetic, and I hate that I'm so hurt. I'm so, so sad that we will never talk again. That our friendship is over. She was my true friend, my soul mate... or so I thought.

What could make someone hate you so much they won't even tell you why they are ending a 15 year friendship? What is so bad about me that I have no friends.... not even my own husband likes me. Why am I so alone... and so lonely?

Pumpkin.

I carve pumpkins like a pro. I mean seriously.


There is really nothing exciting going on in my life, which is why I never blog anymore. I was starting to bore myself really.

The Office is back on so I guess that is one thing that I am excited about.

Also, my first 8 week course is finished and I got an A. My other class is 16 weeks and I currently have a 98 in that and I have started two more 8 week courses last week. School takes up a lot of time because I am a total geek.

Today it's rainy and it's cold and I hate it when my feet are cold.


Um, that's all I feel like writing for now, but I just thought I would let all my loyal readers know that my life is still as dull as ever :)

Chateau, Tournee, Work.

Well, clarified butter was fairly simple. I got a pretty decent yield out of mine, I think right around 12 oz which is what you should yield from a pound of butter. What a lame process, though. There has GOT to be a more simple way than skimming the milkfat from the butter and then ladling the butterfat into another container while trying not to disturb the water on the bottom. *shrugs*. As far as chateau and tournee'd potatoes go? *Kicks* SUPER lame. Thankfully, most everyone couldn't produce a good one, so I didn't feel totally inadequate, but I mean, what a lame process and what is the point besides having a pretty little vegetable... yes I suppose that IS the point. (Tournee/Chateau is basically just a 7-sided football shaped vegetable such as potato (refers to Chateau if it is whole) or carrot, beets, etc. I also made an herbed cream reduction with a tarragon compound butter that Robyn made the week before (my compound butter was black sage honey, and a bit of cinnamon and nutmeg, so we didn't use that for our sauce....) Anyway, Chef said it tasted delicious.... but I felt it was too thick (I think he mentioned the thickness of it, also). We initially felt it need more salt, but I suppose if we were serving it with ham or some other cured meat, it would be perfect.

I actually NEED to get lots of work done this week. I always feel like I am slightly slacking, but then I tend to know just as much if not more information than most everyone else in the class. This is comforting. I think my current grade rests at a 98, I've realized that some people don't even read the book or do the assignments....??? I have a practical exam next week, as well as a portion of my excellence project (personal mission statement section) and a midterm in my sanitation and safety class, so this week I will be working most of the week on those things, particularly the project.

On another note, tonight I am starting at Rendezvous. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I, of course, have the vision of myself mixing cocktails and making cash hand over fist.. I am trying NOT to let the images of me standing around awkwardly, wondering where things are or what I should be doing creep into my head. I'm doing this for fun, for extra cash, and for some time out of the house. This will be fun. *shakes head firmly*.

i think now I will enjoy a nap before I have to get ready to actually work for the first time in almost a year.


Oh, and today Lillian is OFFICIALLY one year old :D

Rendezvous and Clarified Butter

It's Tuesday night and it's almost 9 PM. Clearly, I should be finishing homework, watching videos on microorganisms, and working on my excellence project. Even more clearly, I should be writing a blog so I can put off doing things I really need to be doing. I wanted to clarify a pound of butter tonight since I know we are doing that in class tomorrow, but I didn't want to spend 3 dollars on a pound of butter.

I scheduled my ASAP finally today (finished the first 16 week class, must now attend the 10 week class) and it's not until November 8th!! I haven't smoked pot in a while, but I am SOOO going to now, since it's like 2 months away.... that gives me a month to toke here and there and still a month to get it out of my system. Not only that but by January 10th I CAN GET MY LICENSE BACK! :D That makes me most excited of all. Oh, and then I could smoke bud whenever I want to.

There is a surplus of flies in my house and I would totally like to know where they are coming from. I mean, when I say surplus, sometimes... when I go in the bathroom, there are anywhere between 5-9 flies around. GROSS. I hate flies more than any living insect. They are so creepy and gross. They are always flying right past my laptop screen at night and buzzing around my head. I hate buzzing.

Oh, in bigger news. I got a job. First of all, I've worked for pretty much only corporate restaurants. You know Olive Garden, Friday's, Applebee's... that kind of thing. I interview with this guy and he just LOVES me. First, though I had to submit a head shot and a profile shot... I was kind of worried that I wasn't going to be skinny enough to get hired.... I think my head shot photo made up for it (it's the same one I am using as a default photo here). Anyway. I go in, and when he asks about my availability, I mention that I am in the culinary program at J. Sarge so Wednesdays are out. He graduated from that program. Bonus for me. Then, he asks me about serving, and I was like "No, I'm a bartender".... He says: "Can you bartend?". I look at him and kind of laugh and say "Of course". He asks me what's in a particular drink, I name the first liquor and he says "Oh, that's good, you know it's a rum drink!". Then, I explained that when I was in on Friday I noticed most people just drinking wine, basic cocktails and a few martinis. He asks if I can make martinis, I shoot off a few I could do pretty well (based on the liquors I see behind his bar): Mudslide martini, espresso martini, blueberry martini, cherry limeade martini..... He brings me a notebook with like 7 martini recipes in it and I look at them while he goes to tend to something else. He comes back and I tell him that I love the sound of the cinnamon red heart martini.... and then I point to the red apple martini (with crown royal) and say "I like this one.... but it's just a Washington Apple in a martini glass..." His mouth drops to the floor. "Just the fact that you know that is the best thing ever". Their bartenders suck. I am going to make them all look stupid. My first night is Thursday night. I rule.

I haven't worked in a year... I will certainly let you all know how it goes!

I really need to get back to doing school work so I can get to bed at a decent hour... I am still not adjusting to 12 hours straight of class, lecture, work, class, lecture.

So What Is It the VP Does All Day?

See, here's the thing. When McCain chose Palin as his running mate, I shrugged. I'm not Republican so I don't really care who he picks.

Then, the more I found out about how scandalous she was, the more I started to like her. She's all... normal. She can relate to the common people. I liked that.


Then I found out she has a baby with Down's Syndrome. Now, I knew that she FOR YEARS voted to slash funding for special needs programs in schools. I usually attribute that to perhaps the fact that she felt the money needed to be better spent elsewhere. Oh, so, now all of a sudden, since YOUR baby is special needs, you want to promote more funding for special needs children and programs. I have a brother who is autistic, and all that money you took away from him going to public schools and being taken care of makes me upset. And NOW, now that YOU know what it's like... SORT OF (since her child hasn't even entered into a school system yet... GOOD LUCK TO YOU) to have a child with special needs, you change your tune. I call this hypocrisy, and it totally changed my mind about Sarah Palin. I now have no respect for her. And if old McCain kicks the bucket.... we want THIS CHICK (and the title of my blog is a DIRECT QUOTE from Palin) to run our country? No thanks.

I see many problems with voting Obama into office. Most of those problems stem from the effect it will have on certain people groups.... (do you catch my drift) But I see just as many, if not more, problems with voting McCain into office. Our country is doomed and I want to get out. I don't even feel like I can vote, because it's like choosing which one you think is the lesser of two evils, and I just don't want ANY evil running my country. I want out.


Please, don't be offended by this blog. I very rarely discuss politics openly, and NEVER blog about them, but I am truly upset about Palin's hypocrisy regarding funding for special needs kids. *shakes head* Isn't that karma, though?? You slash funding for special needs programs for years and now all of a sudden your baby has Down's Syndrome. Ouch.

*Disclaimer: I love all people, Democrats and Republicans alike. I am affiliated with neither party*

Procastination

Isn't it funny how one will do ANYTHING to avoid the things they actually have to do? I mean, truly, I haven't written a blog in a WHILE.... mostly because my life is obscenely dull...

But now that I have hours and hours worth of homework to do, here I am, updating.

Other things I have accomplished since school started:

*Entire house is clean. I mean, spring cleaning closets clean.
*Two new sets on Packrat completed. I don't even PLAY Packrat anymore. Until this week.
*Nine COMPLETELY full Webkinz gifts sent (including a new recipe).
*Reorganization of my kitchen
*Printing of at least 150 pages worth of school-related material (does this count as studying)
*Shopping for Lily's birthday party

Here is the amount of school work I have accomplished:

*Two of six chapters read.
*Orientation assignments done.


::Dies laughing::

Lily's first birthday party is Monday and I'm very excited. A lot of my friends are coming and Trevor's parents are coming and it's going to be a BLAST... and the last major party of the year before my dad closes the pool down for fall. I also need to be baking cupcakes for the the tower I am building so I can decorate them on Sunday.

Okay, I'm really going to get some work done for school, but you know... just needed to distract myself some more!

Tired of Asking Why.

I have never seen my sister so happy. She has talked about this one guy for a loooong time, but
for some reason, they never got together. He left for New York to do his culinary thing. Then, his dad died... he says he realized how important some things were, and his priorities changed, and he moved home, to Virginia, to stay with his mom, who is extremely ill. Kelly and Josh became official. I haven't seen her face have so many smiles. I haven't seen her so joyful and energetic and so.... happy. He mailed my mother a thank you note after she had them over for dinner. He gave me a lot of his stuff from culinary school. Just gave it to me. He makes my sister nice dinners, no matter what time of night. He is probably one of the smartest, most fun, KINDEST people I've ever met, and I'm so glad that he is a part of Kelly's life... and mine, and my families. Two weeks ago, a few days after Kelly's birthday, the three of us went out to meet his brother and hang out for the night. We all had drinks together, played some darts, joked....

Today, my sister called me to tell me that his brother is dead. Josh got the call at work that his brother was found dead in his bathroom.

Why is this fair? Why does God do this to people?? To the kindest people. Why is it okay for him to lose everyone he loves? His brother was, like, not over 30 or so. Josh sure doesn't deserve to have the last person he had left to be wrenched from his life so soon. And so soon after his dad died... I'm just. I'm just gutted for him. Tears are pouring down my face because I feel so so bad for someone that deserves to have the happiest life. Of course, my family will embrace him as if he is our own brother, son, etc. He has treated us like one of his very own, and even if he hadn't we would surround him with love and try to lift him up when he's down. But it still doesn't take away the fact that it's just not fair. It doesn't ever replace the people he has lost. He doesn't deserve this.

It makes me feel like the things I complain about, the things I've been through, they are nothing. I would rather not have a house to live in than lose my mother, or my father, or my sister. Of course, it will happen eventually, but I hope never before their time. I don't know what to do to help. All I can say is that generic line "I'm here for you if you need anything". I feel so helpless and sad. I can't imagine how his heart must be broken. I can't take the pain away. I can't do anything at all. Except wonder why. Why, why why why why.

Please keep my sister's boyfriend in your thoughts and prayers.... Please send him thoughts of good wishes, and good karma, and love and strength.

Because I would crumble if I were him. I would crumble to pieces and never put myself back together again.

BCR and BlackJack

I have called this one telemarketer group almost every day this week to try and get them to stop calling me at 8 AM. I've been rude, I've been polite... I even tell them that I have an infant and they keep waking her up (which is semi-true... Lily isn't exactly an infant, but the phone IS waking her up). Anyway, they have an automated message that calls me at 8 AM and instructs me to call them back. But when I do, they AREN'T EVEN IN THE OFFICE YET. Like, where do you get off calling me when you aren't even at work to answer my call yet?!?! Furious. So then, I've had like, 4 different people ASSURE me I would not receive any more calls and yet, every morning at 8 AM, I get another call. *RIPS HAIR OUT* It's driving me absolutely batty.


That's pretty much all I'm writing about. Yesterday was uneventful. Trevor got paid. It was not enough, as usual. We had to go grocery shopping, though, so we did. Also, love "The Red Box" at Wal-Mart. You use your credit card, and pay $1 and you rent a movie for a night. You have to return it the next day, or they keep charging you but damn, that's cheap. We rented 21 and Definitely, Maybe. We watched 21 last night, GREAT movie. I personally just love Kevin Spacey. Anyway, it's a movie based on the true story of the MIT Blackjack team that learned how to beat Vegas. After watching the film, I researched it a little more, and they of course took lots of liberties to enhance the plot and whatnot... but there WAS lots of members of MIT, Harvard, and other schools that learned how to count cards and win at Vegas. God, I wish I could do that.

Maybe more later, I have some heads to beat in via the telephone.

Boston, Beers, Stomach Rocks

The last few days have been interesting! Wednesday I got a phone call from a completely random number. It turns out to be my friend Hugo. We've known each other since the 6th grade and always seem to be there for one another even if we don't speak for 2 years at a time. Anyway, he came to hang out with me Wednesday and him and Trevor hit it off perfectly. At some point, I was like "Stop stealing my friend, we're going out!" We went to a couple bars, and wanted to hear a friend of ours play, so we went to Ham's. Can't beat five Miller Lite bottles for five bucks. We also randomly ran into some other people we went to high school with, it was totally weird, but a LOT of fun. I got pretty hammered... which I haven't done in a long time. Not sloppy hammered, but jovially hammered.

The next day (yesterday) I felt like complete ass. At first I thought I was just severely hung over, but I had some serious stomach bug all day that I won't go into details about. Let's just say, I finally went to bed at 7:30 PM. I woke up around 10:15 PM so I could watch the season finale of ABDC2, but I just couldn't do it. My stomach hurt so bad I was crying. Then, I woke up today and it's totally fine.

Bummed about the amount of Trevor's paycheck, again... but it's better than last week, and we have more than 50 dollars to last us through a week this time. Thankfully.

I was hoping I would hear from my mother today so I could go see her new house.

I think maybe tomorrow we will go down to my dad's and invite Hugo over again, and then Sunday I think we are all trying to go to open mic night at Cafe Diem.

I am ready for some breakfast, and I think Lily and I are going to go to Hardee's. I don't feel like fixing oatmeal or rice cereal. For some reason, no matter how much liquid you put in rice cereal, within 3 minutes it's still as thick as humanly possible.

The bookstore screwed up my financial aid the other day and for some reason I didn't have enough for my books. Then, I had to special order a book which was supremely annoying because I will have to go back again and it's like hell the week before class starts.

This blog has been totally random but.... at least you know what I've been up to for the past couple days. I think Lily is ready for breakfast now because she keeps banging on the back of my laptop screen.

Less Sanity.

I'm not the type of person that keeps their mouth shut. I generally say what I want to say.... I'm not saying this is a great quality, but it's me. I've spent a lot of years in my life being shut down and quieted, and I guess I just feel the need to make up for it by always making my opinions known. I find that I am always putting my foot in my mouth.

I'm overly sensitive. My feelings get hurt easily. I get frustrated easily. I'm impatient. I'm honest. WAY WAY WAY too honest.


Sometimes I feel really lonely. Sometimes I feel like no one will ever understand who I am and what I'm about. I can't make people care, and I'm not even sure they want to. A lot of times I feel like most people are just humoring me. Just being polite.

I'm paranoid. I'm paranoid that people are just pretending to like me. I'm paranoid that things get said about me that are inaccurate.

I feel like I can't trust people.

I'm starting to feel like it's me.

I don't what I'm typing or why.

Homicidal

Okay, first of all. Lemme just preface this by saying that my husband and I are broke. We made a LOT of poor decisions with our money in the past year or so, and we've had to ask our parents to bail us out several times, and we are JUST NOW starting to really pinch pennies (mainly because we only have like, 3 pennies to pinch). We've made a lot of decisions to buy things we didn't need at all (webkinz, gold... pot...), go out to eat when we had food at home, take trips when we couldn't afford the gas. Anyway. Right now, times are more than tight, because Trevor just switched to working in the kitchen, so we went from having cash nightly, to 1 check a week... and the check is nothing to get excited about.

So, Trevor's company deposits paychecks onto an ADP Payroll Service Visa. I think this is the dumbest idea in the world, and I constantly ask who the eff benefits from this little service, besides his work, who must get paid to use this little thing. Oh, and all the Mexicans that work there and can't get bank accounts, because they are illegal immigrants (that's not me being mean, it's true. If INS went to my husband's job, they would be re-staffing their entire kitchen and bus staff). Anyway, I hate this thing because to get your money out, you either have to go to an ATM and pay the ATM fee (since the card is not from a bank) or you can use your money as debit/credit card. Yesterday, I got gas at a gas station with this card. Fifteen dollars in gas (LESS THAN FIVE GALLONS, GAHHHH!). This morning, I had to take Trevor to work, because I am going to meet this girl I used to work with who just had a baby and give her this huge bag of baby clothes that Lily grew out of. We stopped at the store so he could get cigarettes and I could get on orange juice. I go out to the car, and a minute later he pops his head out and says "The card isn't working!". I shake my head. He pops his head back out a second later and go "Why's the card not working...? Do you have cash?" I shrug, and shake my head. So he gets back in the car and says: "What else did you spend money on yesterday?!" And I said... "Don't ACCUSE me of spending money, I just got gas!!!" He says he didn't ACCUSE me but I think there is a big difference between "What did you spend money on?" and "DID you spend money?" So now I am pissed and offended. Anyway, that turned into a mini-argument and he's just being a douche because our card isn't working and that was all the money we had. (Seriously, we have no credit cards, no bank account with money in it... just like, 40 dollars on a stupid ADP Payroll Service card). Anyway, I get home and call the card and see the balance. Zero dollars and zero cents. Now, this is IMPOSSIBLE. There is no way that there was EXACTLY 15.00 dollars left on the card, ya know? So, I listen to the last 10 transactions and they are as follows:

On August 18, -48.08 at a gas service station
On August 17, -14.47 at a convenience grocery store

I won't continue because that's all you need to know. Yesterday, I made one purchase, and it was for FIFTEEN DOLLARS in gas. I have the receipt. It says, 15.00 dollars. The only other transaction was from when Trevor and I took Lily for a walk and we went to the convenience store for milk and tomato sauce to make spaghetti and the total was the 14.47. So, these assholes charged my card for the remainder of the balance for some reason and now we have no money to last us three more days.

I call the gas station and explain the problem and the gentleman tells me to bring the receipt and my bank statement (I inform the man that there is no BANK statement for this) back after 4 PM (sure, 'cuz I have nothing better to do but come when it's convenient for YOU people) and the manager will fix it. I guess we'll see, but they better be more than accommodating because, needless to say, I'm pretty effing pissed. I mean, damn. Is it not enough that I am like, 2 steps up from a naked homeless person?? Do you really have to steal the last 48 dollars I have?!?!? *Punches gas station*.

Damn. Can I get a break?

Solo Career

This morning, at 7 AM, Trevor leapt out of bed and BURST into Lily's room. I shout: "Why did you do that?!?!" He responds: "She was up!"

Me: "NO SHE WASN'T!!"

Him: "Why are you all shitty?"

Me: "'Cuz you just woke the whole damn house up at 7 AM for NO REASON!!!!"


He later apologizes. Still. Lily never sleeps past seven. Just the fact that it was 7:08 AM and I was still lying in bed was blissful. Why? WHY???? Why did he have to ruin it? I swear sometimes.... that guy could ruin anything. *Heavy sigh*.

Lily started her solo blogging career today and in just a minute I am going to reveal it. Please ignore me and my ridiculous gooey moon faces. I don't even know what my face is doing.

Tweet, Twitter, White Rice

So, WHEEEEE. Here is my blog's new look. Perdy, huuuuh? Well, actually, I don't need to ask because it IS perdy, and I know so. Anyway, so I promised I would actually WRITE a blog. And here it is. I've been having a great time copy-catting Jen with my video blogs, but I figure I could update everyone on like, life for real.

Today I started Twitter.... this was inspired by this ridiculously entertaining chick that Jen knows whose blog I randomly found in her blog list. She has Twitter... and she's really funny. I thought to myself "I want to be that funny".... I figured her wit is basically only attributed to Twitter so.... there it is. Let it be known, though, that for once..... Jen was NOT the first person to start a craze!! I know that's hard to believe as she is pretty much the most trend-setting person alive, but it's true, people. Very true. Anyway, for those of you that don't know, Twitter is like a micro-blogging tool and it's totally awesome. There's so many times I see things that I want to blog or mention to someone but by the time I get back to my computer, that thought is LOOOOOONG gone. Now, I can text Twitter from my cell phone ANYWHERE. I love technology.

Trevor and I are having chicken stir fry for dinner. He just totally had a meltdown because... well. He can't cook rice. It never fails. He manages to totally fuck up rice every single time he cooks it. Anyway, once again, he totally bombed cooking it. I don't know how you cook rice and end up with rice in a pot of water. I mean, I'm not even sure how that could happen. There is a multitude of ways you could theoretically mess it up, but usually it does not involve an excess of water. He swears he measured everything right, but... I mean.... that's impossible. Anyway, I think he is more annoyed that I took the 1/2 cup of rice we have left and made it.... and it's perfect. Hahahaha. Really though, hurray for a team effort, because I friggin' LOVE stir fry.

Also very excited to be watching the Redskins game tonight!! YEEESSSSS, football season! It's on RIGHT now. I haven't kept up with much pre-season so far, because of the Olympics and well, life.

Aaahhh, the Olympics. I'll be perfectly honest. I wish it was the World Cup. But if I can't have the World Cup, the Olympics is the NEXT BEST THING. I mean, no matter that the Chinese are doing a great job of making themselves look like jerks. How about telling a little girl she isn't pretty enough to sing, but her voice is still good enough for them to exploit? Or, how about them fake, pre-recorded fireworks? OR, how about those little Chinese gymnasts. Come on, China. We know those girls are barely 13. Some of them haven't gotten their PERIODS yet. I hope they get that sorted out soon because I would love to see the US have the gold for the women's teams. GO USA! Go Olympics. Woop, woop.... woop.

Okay, well, I have to go take my perfect rice off the stove, feed my kid, and watch some fooooootball. Yes, I'm ready.

Tweet, tweet.

Video Blogging Part 3

I swear later today I will just WRITE a blog.

Think Before you Blog Part Deux

Seriously. i think you are supposed to like, write out some bullet points or something because I always just press record and find myself wondering what the frick I am supposed to say.


My kid's cute, though, so who cares that I look like a bumbling moron?

Think Before you Video Blog

Yackity Yak

I started a blog, and then realized that I was having some deja vous and THEN realized that half of what I was going to blog about was included in my last entry, SO. Let me pick up where I left off!

Saturday I sat around most of the day because Trevor was working, but after he got off we drove down to my dad's house because his friend Steve was in town from London. That guy was HILARIOUS. We had a great time..... Dad grilled steaks, my faaavorite. Then, Dave marinated some romaine lettuce and grilled it. I have never had lettuce that way and it was DELICIOUS. Then, we also grilled some corn on the cob that my grandfather grew. We actually stayed pretty late, sitting around on the deck drinking and "shootin' the shit". Dad broke out a couple of joints, which made me giggle. He knows I smoke pot, and I know he smokes (sometimes I get it for him) but we have never really smoked together so that was fun.

Sunday morning I sat around and did nothing again since Trevor was at work, AGAIN... but before he left he went to Hardee's and got me breakfast, which I shared with Lily. It's so strange to see her pick a hash brown out of the bag and eat it. Then, Sunday night we went to dinner at Kabuki for my sister's birthday (which was Thursday). Lily cried when this party of black chicks got to hit the gong and smashed the crap out of it..... I mean, it was loud enough to shatter adult ear drums, so I felt bad for her. We took her to Kabuto's once when she was like 6 months and she was fine with it, but when they did the fire flare up she cried. Once for our table, and once for the table behind us. She got over it pretty quick, though, and everything else those guys did just fascinated the hell out of her. I got scallops because I just LOVE scallops at Japanese Steak Houses. They have this amazing crust, but the scallop itself just melts in your mouth like butter. Overall, we had a great time with my dad, his fiance, Trevor, Kelly and her boyfriend, Josh.... then dad's roommate (girl rents a room from him) Wendy, and his best friend Dave and his wife Leslie and their two sons Austin (16) and Conner (4). Conner was pouting and mad when we first got their but by the time the guy showed up at our table he was having the time of his life!! It was so cute to hear him yell "WOOOOOOAAAAAWWWWW" in his little 4 year old voice every time the guy did something cool. After that we drove back home and got to bed pretty early. Trevor and I were both exhausted.

Today was supposed to be my last Early Intervention Group class. For anyone that doesn't know, right before I found out I was pregnant, I got a DUI (Driving Under the Influence... of alcohol). Here in VA, they give you lots of fines and then make you go to a class called Alcohol Safety Action Program (ASAP). Well, when you go to ASAP they make you submit a urine analysis, which I did, and failed (which I knew I would). I had quit smoking pot by then (because I was pregnant) but there was still a decent amount in my system. You don't get in trouble for this, per se, but they do refer to you another place (Virginia Institute of Pastoral Care) to see if you need further treatment, which OF COURSE you always do, because they sure need that money. So, I had to go to this other class for 16 weeks before I can even ATTEND the ASAP class for 10 weeks (ASAP cost me 575 dollars). I went to this other class for 9 weeks and was then admitted to the hospital early. Crazy birth, didn't go back, they sent my case back to court and so I finally just started going back to finish the last 6 classes. The whole point of this was, today is my last class, but it's also a good friend of ours son's birthday in Chesapeake (which is about 2 hours from us, by the beach).... so I called out of my class to do that tonight instead. I know she is going to drug test when I get back, which pisses me off because 1) I just did one last week and 2) The class costs 30 dollars a session. If you get randomly drug tested, which happens a minimum of 2 times, then you have to pay 25 extra dollars for the drug screen. So I paid 55 bucks last week, and I KNOW I will have to next week. For anyone wondering how the hell I am passing these things (because we all know I likey the marijuana), I purchased synthetic urine for 30 bucks a bottle and I use that. The drug screens for this class are not observed, but I am 99% sure the ones for ASAP ARE observed (a lady watches you pee), so I actually do need to get clean before I go to that. So, this gives me an extra week! And I'm excited because I love visiting our friend Matt, and his son is just SOOOOO adorable. Plus, I think Trevor has off tomorrow, so I am thinking we might just stay the night down there and go to the beach tomorrow morning! I have only been once this summer and the summer is almost gone.

In 16 days, I start school! Craaaaazy. I guess that's really all the news and excitement I have. Besides the fact that I am obscenely depressed that my camera is broken. I am a picture freak. I take pictures to go out to dinner on a random night or something. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT A CAMERAAAAAAAA.

That's all.

Vicariously

Okay. So. Since my last update. Trevor and I ended up not being able to swing the Otakon dinner. I was obscenely upset at first, but then I just came to grips with the fact that shit happens, and there's not shit that can be done about it.

Thursday night, I went to Avalon for my sister's birthday party..... that was fun, but strange to be one of the oldest people at the party. It was nice to get out of the house, put on a dress and some makeup..... leave the house to go do something other than go to the grocery store.

Friday, my mom came and got Lily and I so we could go to her mother-in-law's who was keeping my half-brother (he's 10). Jean (my mom's mother-in-law.... my step-grandmother) just LOOOOOOVES babies, and even baby-haters love Lily, so yeah. We went down there to go swimming and hang out with Wes. It was a nice change of scenery for the day, and I find my brother to be very entertaining. Then, my mom had to return some shoes at Willow Lawn so we did that, and got a soda, and let's just say I should NOT have peeked into Hallmark because what did I see but PILES of the newest webkinz and I WANT THEM. Went home after that. Trevor and I took Lily and had dinner at Ruby Tuesday's and the service sucked. Every time we go out the service just blows ass. Like, maybe we look young and cheap or something... I don't know, but I am DAMN TIRED of getting shitty service. We had to get up and refill our own drinks, for hell's sake! I complained to the manager.... which I hate doing but I waited tables and bartended FOREVER, and I really hate waiting on myself when I go out. I didn't want anything free, and we paid for our food, but I just wanted the server to know the reason he didn't get a tip wasn't because we are cheap and young and poor, but because he was a shitty server that was sitting down watching TV while we were getting our own drinks. Anyway, the manager offered me a job, which is crazy since I was just thinking about doing something a couple of nights a week just to get out of the house, and make a little extra cash while getting a change of scenery. So, like. I rule. I bitched at someone and got a job out of it. Oh, side note though, I bitch in a very professional and calm manner. OHHH. Other side note, Trevor started choking in the middle of dinner and it was the scariest thing ever, I thought he was going to die and I couldn't help him and he wasn't making noise, so no one else could see or tell he was choking and I had to yell for help and then he was okay. That was an obscene run-on sentence, but it was one of the scariest things ever.

Also. Big thumbs down to the judges of America's Best Dance Crew. I guess they felt that if they put Fanny Pak against anyone else in the finale, it just wouldn't be a fair fight. Their routines, particularly the two from the show they got eliminated from were not only creative and entertaining, but always ON POINT. They N-E-V-E-R miss a step, an angle, NOTHING. I mean, SoReal Cru is my favorite, but Fanny Pak was clearly the best crew this season. Welp, I hope SoReal takes it home, but I'm sure SuperCrew will win.

And Mario Lopez will still be as douche-y as ever.

During the Olympics Opening Ceremonies last night (which I have never watched before) there was a hysterical preview for The Office premiering again September 25th. YES. That makes my fall. If I could just get Friday Night Lights back.

Tonight, we are going to my dad's for a poolside food thingie deal. He has some friend in from London so that outta be entertaining. If something wild happens, I will totally talk about it later ;)

Broken Axle

Well, Trevor's parents paid our rent again. It's embarrassing, but I am SO SO thankful they did because we were totally screwed. Thankfully, today and tomorrow are Trevor's last two days to serve in jail. He also just switched from serving to cooking so finances are..... non-existent.

First, yesterday, it was pretty much known and decided that we could just not afford for me to go to Otakon and meet Jen and go to the dinner which is all I really cared about anyway. Then, my dad wanted us to come for dinner, and truthfully, we really couldn't even afford to do that (he lives 30 minutes away). But we did anyway, and he pulled me aside and said "Here's some extra gas money" and handed me a hundred dollar bill. I love my pops. Trevor's parents also sent us a gift card for Wal-Mart so we were able to get our diaper and wipe supply as well as GROCERIES. It's rare we have groceries for ourselves. I mean, we usually have SOMETHING, but generally, we just make sure Lily is fully stocked.

Anyway, so my dad's friend Satish was in town from India and he made us the best Indian curry I have EVER EVER had. It was delightfully spicy and I hate cilantro... but Indians sure do know how to use some coriander!! We hung out at Dad's for a while and then came home.

I let Trevor drive the car to our friend Brad's house, because he lives near the jail. From there, he got a ride with Brad and then Brad will go pick him up and he can drive our car home. That saves us about 50 bucks because normally we drive to Williamsburg, I drive back. Then Wednesday, I drive back AGAIN and we come home. This way, it's only one trip. This morning I had a small anxiety attack because I HATE being stranded without a car. NO, I don't need to go anywhere, but I just.... WHAT IF I WANTED TO?? I mean, there's always family in case something goes crazy and I REALLY need some help, but what if I just wanna run to the mall for fun, or grab a burger?

Anyway, Kelly took me to Cracker Barrel, because, dammit I deserved a Webkinz. Plus, I spied the duck at the Cracker Barrel in the West End, and that was pretty much the first one I ever wanted besides the pink googles. It's by far my favorite. It's just too bad I didn't have time to get to a JC Penny's or Limited Too for a gloss or body spray. My blueberry is running pretty low already.

So anyway, I might still be able to go to the Hard Rock Dinner but it all depends on what happens the rest of this week. My dad said I could use his corporate apartment so that cuts out hotel cost. All we really need is gas money, so everyone keep your fingers and toes crossed that things work out. I REALLY want this mini-vacation.

I can't wait to start school so I have something to do at least one day a week.

I truthfully only updated this blog in case someone is sitting on the john surfing the web while poo-ing... (I poo-surf). It's a pretty quick read because my life is booo-ooooring. :)

Sandy Nilla Wafers

Okay. So, yes, I went to the beach with some friends last Monday and it was a blast. I have never taken Lily and we had a great time. Matt's sons are SOOOO cute, and Elaina watched Lily for me here and there so I could just swim out into the ocean and be all alone for a few minutes. I really need a night out. I need to spend a few minutes without Lily attached to me. I guess there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. As I said, I have no problem being a stay at home mom except there is really no break to the monotony. And no one to watch the baby for a bit while I just go be with myself. I am the child care.

Anyway, I digress. Matt came all prepared (as I like to do) with sandwiches and snacks and drinks. I love a good chicken salad. Then, after we left he showed me one of the stores he is in charge of and it was SOOOO cool. I kind of wished I lived in Hampton Roads just so I could go to this place and hang out. So, on Wednesday when I picked Trevor up, I texted Matthew to see if he was working and he was, so we rode out there. He gave Trev the grand tour and then treated us to lunch AND free merchandise. I've been wearing the hoodie he gave us for, like three days straight now. Trevor asked me if I liked it. It's miiiiine. Ha.

Then, we went to dinner Wednesday evening at Maggiano's. I love family style and Trevor gets half off. I had the mussels and he had some like, fried mozzarella plank. Then we had the chopped salad and the spinach salad. By then we were full. Everything is all you can eat and we each had two portions of the appetizer and a large portion of salad. We got our pasta and entree course boxed to go and then we skipped to desert. I had creme brulee (YUM) and Trevor ordered this toasted pound cake with chocolate ganache, vanilla ice cream, and carmelized bananas. It was SO good, and I HATE pound cake. Afterwards, we took Lily to the play area in the mall. Trevor was SUPER over protective at first worried about the other kids tripping over her or hurting her or something. After a while, he loosened up. HE'S the one that has brought up preschool and day care so much and I'm, like, you're freaking out about other kids while you are PRESENT. It's time to realize she is getting older, and sometimes she's going to get hurt. Kids fall down. The run into things and other kids. She'll be tough ;) Overall, it was a really nice day, and I got to spend it with Trevor and Lily and that was really great.

Yesterday was a day full of nothing. Trevor took the car for work all day, so Lily and I sat around and well, sat around. I did walk to Hardee's later in the day to share some cheddar fries with Lily and get some exercise. See, if you want to eat fatty foods like bacon cheddar fries, you have to walk your fat ass there to get them, so at least you can say you walked it off.

Today has also been a day full of nothing. Kelly came over around five which pissed me off because Lily was sleeping and Dakota barked as he always does. He has one of those small dog barks so it always wakes her up. She was like, "Well, I called your house and your cell" and I was all "Uhhh, yeah, I didn't answer because I didn't want to be disturbed". I was also trying to nap since I really have been feeling kind of burnt out lately. Anyway, it was okay in the end... we had fun hanging out. Her boyfriend went to culinary school and he brought me all sorts of awesome stuff like knives, and slicer, and spoons and spatulas, and it was AWESOME. I mean, what a thoughtful guy. AND, I found out he is a Redskins fan!! Kelly gets all the good catches. HAHAHA. I am totally kidding, I love my husband, but finally Kelly is with a dude that isn't a total douche. They are going to Bar Louie, and I wish Trevor was home so I could go, too. Actually, we can't afford for me to go, so oh well.

Tomorrow night we are going to a pig roast for my friend Katie who just got married.
Now, THAT is some fun! I will probably see lots of old friends from Friday's and Lily will get to swim and I love a good roasted pig.

I guess that's all. Don't get jealous of my super adventurous exciting life.

Best Day Ever.

Today just turned into the best day ever.


Both my parents had agreed to split the cost of my first semester of culinary classes, and I would buy the uniform, tool kit, books. Which ended up being a lot. My dad went to pay for my stuff, and wanted to know how much, so I logged in. Turns out, I got a Federal Pell Grant for like 2400 a semester which is more than I really need anyway! I am so excited. I am going to get to go to school for FREE. FINALLY. Anyway. I am seriously excited about this, it's only the best thing ever. I don't have to worry about paying for all that other stuff AND my parents don't have to pay a dime either.

That's all really.

Things I learned at the beach

1. Elaina gives really good hugs. Not like those, "hey, nice to see you" generic hugs, but like a "I really missed your company, and I'm glad to see you today" kinda hug. I'm not being all lesbo, but seriously, the girl makes you feel welcome.

2. Jellyfish look like someone lost their silicone boob in the ocean.

3. Sand gets everywhere. Even places that are seemingly impossible for sand to have migrated to.

4. My daughter would rather play with a Nilla wafer box than anything else in the world.

5. Sunscreen is NOT dorky.

6. Matthew thinks smarter, not harder. I like this quality in a person. Also under #6 for things I learned at the beach... Matthew and I are a LOT alike. I won't go into lots of detail, but the more I hang out with him, the more I am like... WOAH. Stop being me. Our thought processes are pretty similar. But somehow, each of us brings to the table a point of view the other hadn't seen. It's almost as if we both have the missing link the other one needs. I mean all this in a totally platonic way, for those of you that actually read this and have no idea who I am talking about. (You could read back to the post about the race and I am talking about the same people). Just wanted to clarify that I'm not getting all gooey eyed or anything.


I need to go to California Pizza Kitchen and have a pizza. Desperately. So that's all for now.

Psycho Mom Rolls On

Well, what's new? Trevor, Lily and I went to see Umphrey's McGee and Sound Tribe Sector 9 Wednesday night at Innsbrook. I think, personally, it was my favorite show we've taken Lily to because Trevor wasn't all pissed off. We just ate some food, and played. There was a younger baby next to us, and Lily was ALL about that. She was grabbing her and sitting next to her. I think she thinks other babies are toys. Today, I was at Short Pump Town Center and they have this play area in the food court. There was only 1 other little girl in there when we went so I figured I would let her crawl around and pull herself up on all the stuff (giant plastic ice cream cone, giant soda bottle... you get the idea). Well, the other little girl was adorable, but mean. I mean, she was a little girl (3, I think) so she didn't know any better, but she hit Lily in the face (not hard enough for Lily to do anything) and then kicked her. Like, WTF?! It makes me hate other children when they are mean to my little Lily. I think I am too overprotective, actually. I come to this realization when I say things like... "I'll just learn to homeschool her" or "Why should she go to preschool?!". I mean, I'm all for her doing things like dance, or sports, and socializing with other children. I just don't want that time to be unsupervised by me. I guess I don't want other children's actions... or even adult's supervision that I don't know to influence how my child acts until she knows how to act on her own. I'm a psycho mom. Yes.

Anyway, we walked around the mall a while, and then I bought a gloss, of course, at Limited Too. I wish I had bought the toucan there, or maybe the alligator... or even the rottweiler, but they were marked sixteen bucks, so I didn't. The gloss was marked about 6 and it ended up being less than 4. Oh, well. I got a dalmation, instead, at Ben Franklin Crafts later. I also got the rest of PJ's stuff. I don't think she has this link, so I feel at liberty to discuss this with the warning to all of my readers that know her that if she finds out I will hate you all for life. Anyway, I got her this BBQ sauce that my family came up with the recipe for and then sold it during the Depression, and some cookbooks, some really neat beads because she makes earrings, an "Erica is Awesome" t-shirt, a couple of yoo-hoos, potato rolls, a little organizer thingie that's pink and black and says "So many shoes, so little time" on it, and also this little tiny foldy book thing that I made. It's like a miniature pre-made scrapbook or keepsake book that's basically paper folding a cool way to make a book with covers I made. Anyway, that plus her mouse webkinz and I'll be shipping out in a couple of days :D .

I enrolled in classes for the fall and now I'm very nervous. I just found out that my uniform is really only about 50 bucks, so that's half what I thought, but I have to pay for books and this tool kit things with knives and slicers and whatnot so that's probably going to be another 200, in a month. I'm nervous about money and Trevor's jail trip each week is costing us so much. Rent is due in 11 days and we have 50 dollars. :( I can't voice my concerns to Trevor because he already feels all the pressure of being the only source of income for our family. Thankfully, he had several more interviews this past week to find an hourly cooking job, and then he will work at Texas Road House, too. Or maybe Applebee's will hire him as a manager, since he has an interview for that. I just hope we have enough money to keep our heads above water, since we are barely treading water now, instead of sinking. It's time to really be disciplined with our money, which means I have to stop buying things like Webkinz (though I have done really well.... until today). You all hear me vow that I will not buy another one until August 1. Wait.... until the rent is paid. Yeah. So hopefully that gets done by August 1. Anyway, I'm worried about actually GOING to class. I mean, what if I'm not good? What if I look stupid? At least this is something I'm passionate about, and things are finally starting to move for me.

Plus, I still have to set aside the money for our weekend in Baltimore. I might end up not being able to go to actual Otakon, just the dinner and other, cheaper things with Trevor. It's going to be almost 70 bucks just to go see the fluff booth or whatever, and that's all I'm interested in. But I don't know if I'm interested in it enough to pay 70 bucks. I guess we'll see when we get there. I definitely still wanna go to Baltimore because it's a weekend away with Trevor, and I REALLY wanna go to the Hard Rock dinner. Note to self, must make the rest of gold for Trevor's reservation.

I have also officially made every solved recipe on Webkinz. It costs less than 3000kc. I'm such a nerd.

I think Lily wants to eat dinner now.

Action Required

I want to blog, but I don't. What do I blog about anyway anymore? Would everyone like to hear again how my day is like every other day? Geeeeee. I woke up, fed Lily. Played online, played with Lily. Lily takes a nap. Today I mowed the lawn. I like mowing the lawn because it's good exercise. Afterwards, I feel supremely exhausted. My plants are growing really well, but I think I might have run over some of my sprouting scallions with the lawn mower by accident. Anyway, back to the routine. Lily gets up, we eat lunch. We play some more. Today I went to the store. I stood for 10 minutes by the diapers trying to decide whether to spend 10 dollars and get 40 diapers, or 19 dollars for 104. Obviously, you can see which is the best deal, but when it's you're last 20 or 30 bucks the decision is difficult. Lily and I go home. We eat dinner. Bathtime. More playtime. Milk, Bedtime. More being attached to my laptop.

See, the thing is... I love my life. But it's SOOOOO mundane. And whenever I make plans to break the mundanity and do something with other people, I always back out. When the day comes to go BE with other people, I get all anxious and I start feeling like I don't want to go. I feel like I will go somewhere, be having a miserable time. Then I will want to leave but I won't be able to because it will be too early or would be considered rude. Kind of like I hate riding with other people to things because I want to control when I can leave.

I think I just need to go to sleep. I'm bored and tired of the dullness.

McNuggets bond FAMILIES, people.

Okay, so going to this class tonight was like being in school again because we had a substitute. This thing is supposed to last from 6PM until 7:30PM. Usually we get out around seven anyway. But we were like DRAGGING to waste time and still left by 6:45. It was awesome. I got home, and Wes and I walked to the store and I bought him some cookies. My mom likes coming to watch Lily on Monday nights and I like getting to hang out with her.

Today, Kelly came by around 3:30 and then my mom showed up with Wes about an hour later and we all went to McDonald's (my brother refuses to eat anything besides some form of chicken nuggets) and, well..... I effing love Chicken McNuggets. Doesn't anyone remember way back in the day when they had McNuggets dressed as all sorts of different things? They gave them out as toys in Happy Meals. When Happy Meals were in boxes. Are they back in boxes? For a while, I remember them being in bags and everyone is like.... WTF??? Half the fun of a happy meal is the friggin' box. Geesh. Anyway, I digress. It was cool for all of us to be together and I think Mom enjoyed having a dinner with her kids and her grandkid all at once, since... I don't think that's even happened since Lily's been born. Even if it was just McDonald's... it was nice. Plus, Lily is so much fun, it's like constant entertainment. She surely was wolfing down fries like no other. Wonder where she gets the fat kid syndrome... (Admittedly... Trevor and I both LOVE food).

Other than that, my house is supremely clean and I love it. The next two days are going to be so relaxing. Other than Lily's teething.

I have lots of kinzcash to be making and a little one that needs to go Nighty Night. :) Making a taco night for yourself is really kind of pointless. I need to cook this ground beef and it's meant for taco night but I just can't bring myself to do it all by myself.

Also, I have one last thing to share that a friend shared with me and it really, really stuck with me.

"The purpose of life is a life with purpose".

Chew on that.

Spotless

My house is virtually spotless. I mean, I cleaned places in this house I've probably never cleaned since we've lived here and I feel so damn good. Actually, I feel hot, and sweaty, but good under all that. My house feels calm, it smells clean and fresh. And the next two days I don't have to clean it AT ALL. I really need to go finish folding laundry and take a shower.



I missed a W coupon and a shake for my cheeky monkey while cleaning. Damn being responsible. I also broke a jar somehow and there are little shards of glass all over the back room and it's annoying me.


Okay, um, yes a very short lived blog, but I have lots to do in the next few hours before my mom comes. I have to go to that stupid Early Intervention group for some trouble I got into TWO FREAKIN' YEARS AGO! I can't even believe I am still required to do this, but such is life when you break the law. Five more weeks.... then 8 weeks of ASAP... BOOOOO. I will be so so glad when all this is done.

Right. So. Maybe some more later.

Bores and Snores

I finally got to talk to PJ for a minute today! This makes me oh-so-happy. I know there are crazy things going on for her, but I just love her positive vibe, despite all she goes through :) It was a good start to the day.

Yesterday, Trevor managed to get his shift switched so he worked in the morning instead of the evening and we went to my dad's for a cookout and swimming. It was nice because there weren't a lot of people there this time, and usually by the time we get there the food is all put away and everyone is half-wasted. Lily is getting used to being at my dad's and around all those people, which is great. She doesn't insist on being held the entire time and only by us. Plus, she loves the pool. My dad always sends us home with massive amounts of food. It's wonderful. I tried to hint to him that I wanted to stay at his corporate apartment when we got Otakon but I guess he didn't get it, because he didn't offer. ;) Then, Trevor and I watched another episode or two of The Riches on my laptop. The night before, after Trevor got home from work, we watched like three episodes in a row and we were up until about 3:30 AM. Thankfully, Lily slept in.... until 8:30 AM. I guess that's why last night we both passed out by 11:30 PM. Lily slept until 8:30 AM again, but I was up a zillion times last night. I usually never sleep through the night, but it's been a while since I have gotten up that many times.

Trevor decided to work a double today, and Lily and I are supposed to go swimming with some friends of mine and their two girls, but I just don't feel like doing anything today. Especially not being social. Why couldn't they ask me during the two days a week Trevor is gone and I am bored out of my skull. I just sent a text begging out of going. I see lots of internet-ing and doing nothing in my future for the day. Besides, Lily still won't take a nap and it's almost 1 PM. And it's obscenely hot outside. I need to mow the lawn but I just can't bring myself to do it.

My life is SOOOOO boring.

Gas and Gloss

I have decided that cars that have that "Premium Unleaded Fuel Only" notice right under the odometer has some sort of deal with oil companies. There is no fuckin' way I am spending, like, 4.17 a gallon on gas. That's more than a freakin' webkinz lip gloss costs. So, anyway, I have spent the last couple of months using regular unleaded. Sometimes I feel bad so I use mid-grade. I think my car runs better now that I am using regular than when I used premium. Maybe premium gas is a scam. What does it mean really?? These gas distinctions...? What IS the difference between regular, midgrade, and premium gas anyway?? Anyway, oil companies must pay car companies to put that on their nice cars so people will spend more on gas, but I, my friends, am not fooled.


Webkinz lip gloss is indeed delightful. I have strawberry, apple, and blueberry. I am probably going to have to buy some and give it away after using the code, because there are at least 10 more items to get for the salon collection. Currently, I have wallpaper, flooring, and a reception desk and that's it. It's a sad salon.

I desperately want to drink a Coke. The ones I just bought are still hot. Why do canned cokes take like, 6 hours to refrigerate properly?

Yes, mostly boring.

What a _________ Day. (Fill in the blank)

It's not really a bad day, just annoying. First of all, sometimes a gal just wants a bong hit. Judge me if you want, but when there are lots of stresses and annoyances in life, a good binger just takes the edge off. There is none of that today. It's annoying.

Lily is teething something fierce. She has three teeth already. It was manageable. Today she has been whining and crying randomly all day because her top teeth are coming in. I feel really bad for her being in pain, but because I am not used to her being unhappy... I feel really irritated by it. I feel like a bad mother for saying that. I just can't take non-stop whining and crying. It makes my mind feel chaotic. Also, for some reason she insists on crawling on this brick hearth we have. It has a wood burning stove on and I am so terrified she is going to hurt herself, but she continues to crawl on it instead of the floor. I wonder if she likes the feel of cold brick. Earlier today, she found a tube of old diaper cream while her teeth were hurting and she held it up to me, and then she started chewing on it... Like it was the Orajel tube. Hello, Children's Tylenol.

Trevor's parents totally just set us on even ground financially. They paid all our past bills, and our rent for July. I was so happy and excited to be getting such a once in a lifetime second chance. But now I am worried is for naught because Trevor going to jail in Williamsburg for two days every week is killing us financially. The gas alone is 100 bucks. Then we have to pay 20 for him to be there. Then another 10 dollars a week if he wants to call me. ONCE. So right there is 130 dollars a week. Maggiano's isn't really bringing in the big dollars either, because the economy sucks and who the fuck eats italian food in the dead of summer anyway? Oh, I tell ya, I just LOOOOVEE a huge plate of alfredo sauce when it's 100 degrees outside. Anyway, point is, we're broke, and I don't want our second chance to vanish. Trevor and I are considering him just going and finishing his last 8 days all at once instead of him being gone for two days every week and spending so much money taking him there and picking him up. I am just worried that we will screw ourselves if he doesn't work at all for 8 days. Worry worry worry worry.

So, I found a location to buy this Webkinz lip gloss that Jen keeps raving about that I was secretly going to buy anyway before she got it.... Mapquest said it was 1.49 miles away. I'm thinkin' "I can walk 3 miles". So I load up the stroller and Lily and off we go (it's like, 90 something degrees IN VIRGINIA... which means humid also). Well, the walk there wasn't bad until I realized I went like half a mile in the wrong direction. Not too horrible. I turn around and go the right way. The right way happens to be a much harder walk with no sidewalk, bumpy terrain (remember... stroller) and it's a damn hill. Anyway, I traverse all these conditions and I'm like... It has GOT to be in that shopping center, I mean, there's a Ukrop's for chrissakes. In Virginia, there is like, ALWAYS a Hallmark by a Ukrop's. And there WAS a Hallmark by this particular Ukrop's. But there is not anymore. *Bangs head on glass of Hallmark". WHHHYYYYYYYYY. I walk like 4 miles to try and cheer myself up and it just made it worse. The walk home was almost unbearable. I mean, I knew the walk home would suck, but it would have been bearable had I been wearing some delightful mango or blueberry lip gloss. Actually, it would have been even more bearable if I had gotten home and was unlocking salon furniture right now. But I'm not.

I'm watching Noggin with Lily while she crawls around laughing wearing nothing but a diaper and waiting for her bath. She makes every day bearable when I think it really really blows. That and the fact that two of my friends have cancer, and dammit, at least I don't have cancer.

I want friends. Like, friends that call me and come over and we go out to dinner and sit around each other's houses like we live there. Friends that I can call and tell about the dumbest thing. Friends who can give me a hug when I'm done, or dammit, just a big excited hug when I see them.

Thank God America's Best Dance Crew is on tonight. Now, if Mario Lopez would just come down with a serious illness that will render him mute. The day would then be totally worth it.

Where Am I Walking To?

I can't believe it's been over a month since the last time I wrote here. I promised myself to document my days, since I have an abundance of time on my hands.... sort of. But how much can one write about being a mother, and housewife. The life is kind of dull, though the players are most certainly not. And in a way, I wished this dullness.... the excitement of my and our past being too much for me to handle. Looking back, I think about all the reckless and careless things Trevor and I have done. Really, because we were at a point in our lives (separately and together) where we just didn't care the dangers of what we did... we just wanted to have fun.

Anyway, I remember being pregnant. It was the worst 7.5 months of my life. There was no loving husband who wanted to take care of me and our baby. In a lot of ways, I think I might resent Trevor the most for those months. I was alone, besides a little Maltese, in the dead of summer.... blowing up like a balloon for some unresolved medical reason, barely able to move or walk depending on how hot it was. On the one hand, Trevor did work to support us both, but my Dad bailed us out a couple of times. On the other hand, he spent lots of nights drinking, lying, and doing plenty of other things that caused me to stay up late more than one night calling hospitals, jails.... wondering where the hell my husband was. He's done so many horrible things to me, I sometimes wonder why I am still here. Most women... and probably most men do or would think I'm stupid for staying with someone like Trevor after all the things he has done to me. The many ways in which our marriage vows have been broken.

Maybe I am the goddess of a million chances. When I first met Trevor I strongly despised him. As a manager, as a person. Perhaps in hindsight... I saw a lot of myself in him. When he was truly broken, I saw a different person. A person who wanted a good life, but had no idea how to get it, and couldn't understand their own choices and mistakes. A person who has spent their whole life messing up chances and not knowing why. I was the only one there for him. I don't care what anyone says.... After a certain point, I was the only FRIEND Trevor had, and our romantic relationship built on top of that. I suppose I just thought about what I would want a friend to do for me if I had made a mistake. I brought him things he needed, made him some meals, brought him Thanksgiving dinner. His packs of cigarettes. Forced him to get a job, A-N-Y job... every time Mariester got him fired him from a job and it knocked him back to the gutter, I picked him up and made him try again. And in return, he made me feel so special. Like, of course, that I was the best thing in his life. How thankful he was that I was there for him. He made me feel loved, and appreciated. We had fun together, and we shared a lot of the same interests. We talked about getting married, mostly because after I knew the real truth about Trevor's past (all of it.... and I know because it's pretty gruesome).... I still didn't judge him, and he didn't judge me, either. Then, rapidly, events just fell into place that made our half-serious discussion about marriage a reality.

Trevor was getting drunk the night before I almost died because of an infection I contracted in the hospital. That's why I couldn't reach him on the phone. That's why he showed up almost 4 hours after they took me to labor and delivery. That's why he was crying next to my bed. Not really so much because I was going to die... but because he felt guilty. I know that he has problems. Addiction problems, mental instability type problems. I suppose the reason that I am still with Trevor is that I love him. I love the real person he is underneath all the utter shit piled on top of it. And it's not like he has stayed the same or gotten worse. I can at least say that since Lily has been born, things have improved from bad to better and now good. It was still not great right after she was born. Trevor still did things Trevor wanted to do, but I think it finally came to a point where we were tired of fighting and hurting.... and we both know that while I'm not perfect, either, Trevor has issues that need to be worked out. We are learning to try and communicate better.

I think the real blessing in disguise is the way our relationship has improved while he is in jail. First of all, I get to spend two days with just Lily. I don't have to clean up but the house is still clean, Trevor isn't here bitching at me for doing things I like to do instead of watching TV. But at nights it's hard to sleep, and I wish he was here. I don't feel safe without him. It's little things here and there the whole time that I miss. His voice. It makes me value the time we spend together more, even if most of it is short, because he works so much.

Things are getting good. We are even (barely) ground financially and our relationship is improving and we have the most beautiful, amazing daughter in the entire world. I have hope. Lots and lots of hope. Even when I think my cup is empty... God fills it again. I'm not sure about this plan for my life, but I know if God had it in His will that Trevor and I end up together, then I will do everything I can to keep us together, our family together. Hopefully we will all come out better people.

Blurred Days

Weekdays and weekends are the same thing to me. Not working has its perks, but it gets kind of monotonous. I make sure the house is clean every single day. Not because I have to, but because I have to be in it all day long and I can't relax unless it's clean. Lily and I play a lot, and lately I have been trying to find other activities that we can all do. The Science Museum... going to parks... Trevor loves going to the river which is awesome because I do, too and it's a pretty decent walk to the rocks, so it's good exercise and a ton of fun... very relaxing.

Lily has had all sorts of milestones recently. She is crawling now... not quickly, but crawling nonetheless. Yesterday, I put her to bed, and then I heard this thumping noise like someone was banging on her crib. I walk in her room and there is, standing up and trying to pull toys into her crib (from the changing table). She is eating meats now... and a LOT of food each sitting. I don't even mind mealtime anymore... and she will pretty gnaw on everything you give her.

My sister and I had lunch this week at Capital Ale House which was nice. Their patio overlooks this little creek/pond thing and there are ducklings wandering around... it's SO CUTE! Lily sat in a high chair (in a restaurant) for the first time, and she ate a few pieces of bruschetta bread. She loves being outside, so sitting on a patio is awesome. Kelly and I ate Crab BLTs (highly recommended... SO GOOD) and sat around for a while and then she took me grocery shopping as a Mother's Day present. It's weird to think this year for Mother's Day I'm a MOM!

Money is supremely tight because Trevor spent more than expected at Bailey's last weekend... just got rent paid and bills are piling up... my last check from RAC already came and went... Trevor is STILL trying to get a second job bartending so he can transfer to the kitchen where is now. I am just PRAYING that our tax stimulus check comes sooner than later. We really need the money.. I think it would lower Trevor's stress level. I had no problem getting a different job but he WANTED me to stay home and he wanted to get another job. I think it's just going slower than expected so we are both getting a bit antsy about funds.

Sunday I am going to my mother's and her and I are going to cook our own Mother's Day dinner. We are having a salad with roasted pears, walnuts, bleu cheese, etc... then petite filets and seared scallops.... grilled vegetables... I love simple GOOD food... then bread pudding with vanilla ice cream for dessert. I love bread pudding. My sister has to work and so does Trevor so it's just going to be me, mom, Lily and probably Wes (my 9 year old autistic brother...) I might be watching him a few days a week soon for my mom... she is trying to change positions. She offered to cover my gas to pick him up from school and a little extra to hang out with him for a while a few days a week after school until she gets off work. Well, she expressed that she didn't know what she was going to do with Wes and I was like... "Ummm, hello... I have nothing to do... ever?" I didn't ask for money, but I certainly won't decline it. My brother can be a bit of a handful, but I love him and I think he is fun.

Well, back to doing laundry and figuring out what the heck I am going to cook for dinner that I actually want. I am about 5 seconds away from having a Chanello's sub delivered... but I don't want to spend the money. Trevor works doubles all weekend which is good for us, but boring for me. Must find something to occupy time... Probably some of the new photo-editing software mom brought. And cleaning. Constant, constant cleaning.

Burnt Rubber and the Twilight Zone

Ever feel like you really stepped into the Twilight Zone? This happened to me Friday night. I get a notice on my cell that I have a new message on MySpace from a friend and it reads something along the lines of "call me as soon as you get this no matter how late" with a phone number attached. Well, thanks to technology, I can just write back immediately. Semi-long story short, this friend offers my husband and I tickets to the race the following night in Richmond, which, if you are a Nascar fan at all, you know that this is a TON of fun... and pretty expensive. I'll get it into the actual race later, but I feel like maybe I should get out a bit of back story.

Hugely long and personal story (for all parties involved): My husband and our friend met a long a time ago, and my husband screwed this friend over royally. Meanwhile, I worked for this friend, although, at the time, I wouldn't say we were friends at all. Perhaps expectations were skewed, perhaps we were just too much alike in an alarming way. You know when you meet someone and you really like them on first impression, but then maybe, they are just TOO much like your own personality and you don't know how to combat it? To work with it? You're probably so thrown off, things start to get bitter, anyway... I digress. Obviously, at the time none of us know why we clashed or gelled the way that we did, but it happened. Anyway, said friend and my husband have just recently reconciled, and we also had another friend join us that worked with us waaay back when and has her own set of histories, but none of which are really important to this story today except that here we are, all at a race, after some insanely rough times in the past year. One friendship destroyed and slowly being rebuilt, one friendship cautiously but eagerly being built, and then, this third friendship where I really like this girl (as a person, I don't want to have sex with her... not that I wouldn't but I've put those days behind me..). She has a positive energy. She's easygoing and fun-loving. She seems immediately trustworthy and honest. It's as if you know, if you put in the effort, you have made yourself a genuine friend for life. I always liked her as a person before, but getting to hang out with her for the night really made me appreciate her personality and hope that our friendship grows. Because I need and want good friends in my life. And honestly, who the hell else will kick off their shoes (besides me) and walk barefoot for a while and then log roll down the hill to the car?? Fucking sweet.

This isn't to say I am not excited about the first friend, but this is where I suddenly felt like I was in the twilight zone. It's like I met the person I first met over a year ago all over again. It was like, everything in between, the person that he became for a moment, it was like, that person was gone. Not gone in the respect like he had changed himself, but found... re-found... himself? The guy I met was confident, fun, eager, hard-working... And while I can say he always stuck by hard-working I felt like the rest was lost, but after spending the entire night hanging out with him, he just seemed happy. And like himself. And like the person I always knew he was... and the person that I am glad to call my friend. The person I wanted to call my friend.

So, the race was a blast... we did leave early, but I really wanted to just hang out, and you can't do that so much at the race, I think we left about 200 laps in. Denny led for over 200 laps but finished 24th, that must be disappointing. I was disappointed. I rubbed the skin on top of my feet raw by wearing brand new flops. Once you have enough alcohol, it doesn't really register anymore that it hurts. Because Trevor thought you could bring bottles (and I'm never right) we had to chug a LOT of beer when we first got there. Trevor got cut off at the bar later (by a bartender I am good friends with) and then broke a glass or something... Then he passed out on the grass next to the main road by the bar. His other friend who is going through MORE drama ended up coming to spend the night, and they left the bar, but I stayed with our original friends who thankfully said they would drive me home when last call was made... That got them both a bunch more cool points from me, because I love people that can "hang". Trevor is always passed out drunk by, like, 11. MAN UP! Anyway.. Then when I got home he was laying in the front yard. Eventually he was inside and wouldn't wake up... So I proceeded to write all over with him sharpie marker and cover him with an entire can of shaving cream. Brad (Trevor's friend) and I found it quite hysterical, especially because I was PRETTY DAMN drunk by that time. I don't think I ever laughed that hard in my life.

The next day we got up. We went to breakfast at Aunt Sarah's. I was righteously hungover as was Trevor. Let me tell you, Aunt Sarah's pancake house roasts their coffee and grinds it RIGHT THERE and makes your coffee. It's like, as fresh as humanly possible. I don't drink coffee like that, but just so you know. Anyone that knows me, knows that I think the cure for a hangover is a real breakfast. The works, eggs, greasy meat, toast, potatoes. Aunt Sarah's perfect for that. I bet they are loving the plug. Anyway, I got kielbasa and eggs (over medium) with pancakes and home fries and they serve it with a tomato slice. Tall glass of Coke.... Hangover gone. After that we took Lily and Brad down to the river and hung out at the rocks for the day. I am slowly layering on my tan... This year I WILL be tan, dammit. We came back, I made tacos... early night. The walk to the rocks is at least a mile or more so total you walk a few miles... I like the exercise and it's beautiful.

So, Trevor is at work, Lily is sleeping, and I am starving, so I am going to fix dinner. Times are tight, so I am really going to have to improvise for dinner. We'll see how that works out.

Wishing Well

I am convinced my husband doesn't love me. Or anyone. Probably not even himself. I think he is incapable of real love. I don't think he even loves Lily unconditionally. The psychologist said he may have to come to grips with the fact that he will never have a long-term relationship. What does that mean for our marriage? What does that mean for Lily? I'm sad that Lily won't have a daddy that loves her no matter what. Today, he was reading a book and she was shuffling around on the bed, and she finally got herself over to him, climbed up him and he literally shrugged her off and moved away so he could concentrate on his reading. She just wanted his attention... and while I do think that he cares about her, Trevor will never concern himself with others before himself. In other words, his mind said "I like you Lily, but I'm trying to read!". The book isn't going anywhere, you know? It's not going to disappear. Anyway, then it was a bit after 12 and I asked him if he wanted to feed her and he exploded. Basically, he said something along the lines of how I'm lazy because when he's here, I always ask him to do everything with her. See, the thing is... I LIKE feeding Lily. I LIKE giving her a bath. I LIKE cuddling on the bed or couch and watching Noggin, I LIKE playing with her. And I just figured that when he was here, he might want to do those things, too. But really, he sees taking CARE of Lily as a chore. He just wants the instant gratification she gives him of a smile or a giggle or an utterance of "dadadada" and then he's done until he wants her adoration again. He doesn't want to be part of RAISING her, he just wants a plaything. For himself. I feel like this means all her life she will be let down by him. And honestly, I can't stand by and ever see that little girl hurt. EVER.

Then he says things like "Why don't you just divorce me then?". I feel like this is his way of saying "I want to divorce you, but I don't have the balls to admit it". I feel like he is scared of what people are going to think or say if he divorces me. His parents and family might ask, "Why? What was so bad about Erica that YOU wanted a divorce?" and the thing is, he doesn't know. I don't cheat (he has), I don't lie (he has.... countless times), I care about OUR life and OUR family... He just doesn't like the fact that I expect him to grow as a person, and be a good person, and act like an adult and have a good life. I really don't think he wants those things. I think he wants complete and total freedom from everything and everyone. I think he wants to be able to pick and choose when he is responsible or not.

I feel like my marriage is doomed. I feel sad I married a sociopath. I feel sad that I have put up with so much and so much and so much that everything feels lost, yet I know I won't ever end our marriage. I feel overwhelmingly sad about us a lot of the time. I feel like he tricked me into thinking he was in love with me.... The charming way he used to say sweet things to me every morning. The way he convinced me to have Lily and that we would have a happy life. He hates me. He doesn't like the person I am, the things I want out of life, the way I talk, the way I look. I truly believe he doesn't like a thing about me.

I am always waiting for the day he runs off and never comes back. I am waiting for the day he screws me over so hard. I am waiting for the final mess I will have to clean up.

I am wishing that none of this is true. I am wishing that he will continue going to a doctor and something will change. I am wishing that we will live a happy life and raise our daughter in a happy, loving home.

I'm just wondering if any of that is possible for a person like him.

Awkward, Rocks, Sandwich

Things I have done since my last post... Let's see.

Wednesday night my sister and I went to Innsbrook to see The Used. My ex right before I got married, who now hates my guts, by the way, was standing less than a couple of feet behind us the entire show. That is what I call awkward. I am pretty sure he made a couple of snide comments my way, but whatev. Afterwards, Kelly and I get into an argument since she is not willing to compromise and go to more than one bar afterward. Being 21 is like a curse. Most 21-year-olds run around getting wasted, partially ruining their lives (depending on how far they take the getting wasted) and ignoring the fact that the rest of the world has feelings and lives still.

Thursday Trevor and I drove to Williamsburg so I could drop payment and other things off at my lawyer's office. Then, we drove a bit further to Newport News to see Plaga... I took a nap there. That was kind of rude, I think, but Plaga is really Trevor's friend so I didn't really feel bad. Plus, it was like, 85 degrees in his house (and at least that hot, or maybe actually COOLER) outside. Who keeps their house that hot?? Then, we came home... Trevor didn't watch Top Chef the night before so we watched that, then of course, Scrubs and The Office. The Office strikes again with another HILARIOUS episode. I thought it was going to be the beginning of the end for Pam and Jim (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) but I think I was wrong. Despite their horribly unlucky and bad day, Jim and Pam remain their totally cool selves and don't even start arguing with each other. Why is my life NOT like a sitcom at all?? Cruelly funny but always works out in the end?

That brings me to today. I finally convince Trevor to go to "the rocks". In Richmond, this means Belle Isle... the James River. However, the entire river is peppered with giant rocks perfect for sunning, picnicking, pretty much anything. Trevor and I and Lily get there around 9 something this morning. I convinced Trevor to do something outdoors and... HE LOVED IT. It's a pretty long walk from the parking lot to Belle Isle (it's a little island/park so you have to walk across this HUUUUUGE suspended bridge)... Anyway, got some awesome pictures of Lily and the pretty side of Richmond that most people don't get to see or have no idea about. Trevor is working on the final Harry Potter book so he stood in the water and read that. Lily napped, my mom showed up for a while, and then we went to lunch at Kitchen 64. Dang, that place was AWESOME. Kind of like diner/southern food, but dressed up with more "exotic" ingredients (not really, just more exotic than a BLT). It was SOOOO good. Since my skin burns outside in about twenty minutes and we spent about 3 hours outside, I realize at the restaurant I have a nice sunburn going. I don't mind too much... my skin is so fair that I have been burning worse than this since I was a little girl, and maybe this year I can get a tan. I heard tans make you look more slim. I could use some of that. I saw a picture Trevor took of me holding Lily today and it was VERY upsetting. I thought I was LOSING weight, but I swear from this picture, you would think I'm pregnant again. It was disgusting. Talk about the OPPOSITE of a morale booster.

Anyway, we get home, and my mom hangs out for a little bit.... then she leaves, Trevor heads to work, and Lily pretends to take a nap. After a while, I just get her up.... we eat some dinner, do the bath thing and then go hang out on my bed for a while. The next thing I know, I am waking up to Trevor coming home... it's after 11! Lily fell asleep right next to me. I love that so much. Waking up snuggling with my baby :)

I submitted all three of my entries to the LOL art contest. I only have faith in one. The other two are okay, but really, I just wanted to make sure I had three entries. I was severely uninspired. It's sad, too, because I think I'm pretty damn funny and witty in every day life, but I can't just produce it on command!

I think I am ready to go back to sleep... but I felt the world needed to catch up on my week.