Procastination

Isn't it funny how one will do ANYTHING to avoid the things they actually have to do? I mean, truly, I haven't written a blog in a WHILE.... mostly because my life is obscenely dull...

But now that I have hours and hours worth of homework to do, here I am, updating.

Other things I have accomplished since school started:

*Entire house is clean. I mean, spring cleaning closets clean.
*Two new sets on Packrat completed. I don't even PLAY Packrat anymore. Until this week.
*Nine COMPLETELY full Webkinz gifts sent (including a new recipe).
*Reorganization of my kitchen
*Printing of at least 150 pages worth of school-related material (does this count as studying)
*Shopping for Lily's birthday party

Here is the amount of school work I have accomplished:

*Two of six chapters read.
*Orientation assignments done.


::Dies laughing::

Lily's first birthday party is Monday and I'm very excited. A lot of my friends are coming and Trevor's parents are coming and it's going to be a BLAST... and the last major party of the year before my dad closes the pool down for fall. I also need to be baking cupcakes for the the tower I am building so I can decorate them on Sunday.

Okay, I'm really going to get some work done for school, but you know... just needed to distract myself some more!

Tired of Asking Why.

I have never seen my sister so happy. She has talked about this one guy for a loooong time, but
for some reason, they never got together. He left for New York to do his culinary thing. Then, his dad died... he says he realized how important some things were, and his priorities changed, and he moved home, to Virginia, to stay with his mom, who is extremely ill. Kelly and Josh became official. I haven't seen her face have so many smiles. I haven't seen her so joyful and energetic and so.... happy. He mailed my mother a thank you note after she had them over for dinner. He gave me a lot of his stuff from culinary school. Just gave it to me. He makes my sister nice dinners, no matter what time of night. He is probably one of the smartest, most fun, KINDEST people I've ever met, and I'm so glad that he is a part of Kelly's life... and mine, and my families. Two weeks ago, a few days after Kelly's birthday, the three of us went out to meet his brother and hang out for the night. We all had drinks together, played some darts, joked....

Today, my sister called me to tell me that his brother is dead. Josh got the call at work that his brother was found dead in his bathroom.

Why is this fair? Why does God do this to people?? To the kindest people. Why is it okay for him to lose everyone he loves? His brother was, like, not over 30 or so. Josh sure doesn't deserve to have the last person he had left to be wrenched from his life so soon. And so soon after his dad died... I'm just. I'm just gutted for him. Tears are pouring down my face because I feel so so bad for someone that deserves to have the happiest life. Of course, my family will embrace him as if he is our own brother, son, etc. He has treated us like one of his very own, and even if he hadn't we would surround him with love and try to lift him up when he's down. But it still doesn't take away the fact that it's just not fair. It doesn't ever replace the people he has lost. He doesn't deserve this.

It makes me feel like the things I complain about, the things I've been through, they are nothing. I would rather not have a house to live in than lose my mother, or my father, or my sister. Of course, it will happen eventually, but I hope never before their time. I don't know what to do to help. All I can say is that generic line "I'm here for you if you need anything". I feel so helpless and sad. I can't imagine how his heart must be broken. I can't take the pain away. I can't do anything at all. Except wonder why. Why, why why why why.

Please keep my sister's boyfriend in your thoughts and prayers.... Please send him thoughts of good wishes, and good karma, and love and strength.

Because I would crumble if I were him. I would crumble to pieces and never put myself back together again.

BCR and BlackJack

I have called this one telemarketer group almost every day this week to try and get them to stop calling me at 8 AM. I've been rude, I've been polite... I even tell them that I have an infant and they keep waking her up (which is semi-true... Lily isn't exactly an infant, but the phone IS waking her up). Anyway, they have an automated message that calls me at 8 AM and instructs me to call them back. But when I do, they AREN'T EVEN IN THE OFFICE YET. Like, where do you get off calling me when you aren't even at work to answer my call yet?!?! Furious. So then, I've had like, 4 different people ASSURE me I would not receive any more calls and yet, every morning at 8 AM, I get another call. *RIPS HAIR OUT* It's driving me absolutely batty.


That's pretty much all I'm writing about. Yesterday was uneventful. Trevor got paid. It was not enough, as usual. We had to go grocery shopping, though, so we did. Also, love "The Red Box" at Wal-Mart. You use your credit card, and pay $1 and you rent a movie for a night. You have to return it the next day, or they keep charging you but damn, that's cheap. We rented 21 and Definitely, Maybe. We watched 21 last night, GREAT movie. I personally just love Kevin Spacey. Anyway, it's a movie based on the true story of the MIT Blackjack team that learned how to beat Vegas. After watching the film, I researched it a little more, and they of course took lots of liberties to enhance the plot and whatnot... but there WAS lots of members of MIT, Harvard, and other schools that learned how to count cards and win at Vegas. God, I wish I could do that.

Maybe more later, I have some heads to beat in via the telephone.

Boston, Beers, Stomach Rocks

The last few days have been interesting! Wednesday I got a phone call from a completely random number. It turns out to be my friend Hugo. We've known each other since the 6th grade and always seem to be there for one another even if we don't speak for 2 years at a time. Anyway, he came to hang out with me Wednesday and him and Trevor hit it off perfectly. At some point, I was like "Stop stealing my friend, we're going out!" We went to a couple bars, and wanted to hear a friend of ours play, so we went to Ham's. Can't beat five Miller Lite bottles for five bucks. We also randomly ran into some other people we went to high school with, it was totally weird, but a LOT of fun. I got pretty hammered... which I haven't done in a long time. Not sloppy hammered, but jovially hammered.

The next day (yesterday) I felt like complete ass. At first I thought I was just severely hung over, but I had some serious stomach bug all day that I won't go into details about. Let's just say, I finally went to bed at 7:30 PM. I woke up around 10:15 PM so I could watch the season finale of ABDC2, but I just couldn't do it. My stomach hurt so bad I was crying. Then, I woke up today and it's totally fine.

Bummed about the amount of Trevor's paycheck, again... but it's better than last week, and we have more than 50 dollars to last us through a week this time. Thankfully.

I was hoping I would hear from my mother today so I could go see her new house.

I think maybe tomorrow we will go down to my dad's and invite Hugo over again, and then Sunday I think we are all trying to go to open mic night at Cafe Diem.

I am ready for some breakfast, and I think Lily and I are going to go to Hardee's. I don't feel like fixing oatmeal or rice cereal. For some reason, no matter how much liquid you put in rice cereal, within 3 minutes it's still as thick as humanly possible.

The bookstore screwed up my financial aid the other day and for some reason I didn't have enough for my books. Then, I had to special order a book which was supremely annoying because I will have to go back again and it's like hell the week before class starts.

This blog has been totally random but.... at least you know what I've been up to for the past couple days. I think Lily is ready for breakfast now because she keeps banging on the back of my laptop screen.

Less Sanity.

I'm not the type of person that keeps their mouth shut. I generally say what I want to say.... I'm not saying this is a great quality, but it's me. I've spent a lot of years in my life being shut down and quieted, and I guess I just feel the need to make up for it by always making my opinions known. I find that I am always putting my foot in my mouth.

I'm overly sensitive. My feelings get hurt easily. I get frustrated easily. I'm impatient. I'm honest. WAY WAY WAY too honest.


Sometimes I feel really lonely. Sometimes I feel like no one will ever understand who I am and what I'm about. I can't make people care, and I'm not even sure they want to. A lot of times I feel like most people are just humoring me. Just being polite.

I'm paranoid. I'm paranoid that people are just pretending to like me. I'm paranoid that things get said about me that are inaccurate.

I feel like I can't trust people.

I'm starting to feel like it's me.

I don't what I'm typing or why.

Homicidal

Okay, first of all. Lemme just preface this by saying that my husband and I are broke. We made a LOT of poor decisions with our money in the past year or so, and we've had to ask our parents to bail us out several times, and we are JUST NOW starting to really pinch pennies (mainly because we only have like, 3 pennies to pinch). We've made a lot of decisions to buy things we didn't need at all (webkinz, gold... pot...), go out to eat when we had food at home, take trips when we couldn't afford the gas. Anyway. Right now, times are more than tight, because Trevor just switched to working in the kitchen, so we went from having cash nightly, to 1 check a week... and the check is nothing to get excited about.

So, Trevor's company deposits paychecks onto an ADP Payroll Service Visa. I think this is the dumbest idea in the world, and I constantly ask who the eff benefits from this little service, besides his work, who must get paid to use this little thing. Oh, and all the Mexicans that work there and can't get bank accounts, because they are illegal immigrants (that's not me being mean, it's true. If INS went to my husband's job, they would be re-staffing their entire kitchen and bus staff). Anyway, I hate this thing because to get your money out, you either have to go to an ATM and pay the ATM fee (since the card is not from a bank) or you can use your money as debit/credit card. Yesterday, I got gas at a gas station with this card. Fifteen dollars in gas (LESS THAN FIVE GALLONS, GAHHHH!). This morning, I had to take Trevor to work, because I am going to meet this girl I used to work with who just had a baby and give her this huge bag of baby clothes that Lily grew out of. We stopped at the store so he could get cigarettes and I could get on orange juice. I go out to the car, and a minute later he pops his head out and says "The card isn't working!". I shake my head. He pops his head back out a second later and go "Why's the card not working...? Do you have cash?" I shrug, and shake my head. So he gets back in the car and says: "What else did you spend money on yesterday?!" And I said... "Don't ACCUSE me of spending money, I just got gas!!!" He says he didn't ACCUSE me but I think there is a big difference between "What did you spend money on?" and "DID you spend money?" So now I am pissed and offended. Anyway, that turned into a mini-argument and he's just being a douche because our card isn't working and that was all the money we had. (Seriously, we have no credit cards, no bank account with money in it... just like, 40 dollars on a stupid ADP Payroll Service card). Anyway, I get home and call the card and see the balance. Zero dollars and zero cents. Now, this is IMPOSSIBLE. There is no way that there was EXACTLY 15.00 dollars left on the card, ya know? So, I listen to the last 10 transactions and they are as follows:

On August 18, -48.08 at a gas service station
On August 17, -14.47 at a convenience grocery store

I won't continue because that's all you need to know. Yesterday, I made one purchase, and it was for FIFTEEN DOLLARS in gas. I have the receipt. It says, 15.00 dollars. The only other transaction was from when Trevor and I took Lily for a walk and we went to the convenience store for milk and tomato sauce to make spaghetti and the total was the 14.47. So, these assholes charged my card for the remainder of the balance for some reason and now we have no money to last us three more days.

I call the gas station and explain the problem and the gentleman tells me to bring the receipt and my bank statement (I inform the man that there is no BANK statement for this) back after 4 PM (sure, 'cuz I have nothing better to do but come when it's convenient for YOU people) and the manager will fix it. I guess we'll see, but they better be more than accommodating because, needless to say, I'm pretty effing pissed. I mean, damn. Is it not enough that I am like, 2 steps up from a naked homeless person?? Do you really have to steal the last 48 dollars I have?!?!? *Punches gas station*.

Damn. Can I get a break?

Solo Career

This morning, at 7 AM, Trevor leapt out of bed and BURST into Lily's room. I shout: "Why did you do that?!?!" He responds: "She was up!"

Me: "NO SHE WASN'T!!"

Him: "Why are you all shitty?"

Me: "'Cuz you just woke the whole damn house up at 7 AM for NO REASON!!!!"


He later apologizes. Still. Lily never sleeps past seven. Just the fact that it was 7:08 AM and I was still lying in bed was blissful. Why? WHY???? Why did he have to ruin it? I swear sometimes.... that guy could ruin anything. *Heavy sigh*.

Lily started her solo blogging career today and in just a minute I am going to reveal it. Please ignore me and my ridiculous gooey moon faces. I don't even know what my face is doing.

Tweet, Twitter, White Rice

So, WHEEEEE. Here is my blog's new look. Perdy, huuuuh? Well, actually, I don't need to ask because it IS perdy, and I know so. Anyway, so I promised I would actually WRITE a blog. And here it is. I've been having a great time copy-catting Jen with my video blogs, but I figure I could update everyone on like, life for real.

Today I started Twitter.... this was inspired by this ridiculously entertaining chick that Jen knows whose blog I randomly found in her blog list. She has Twitter... and she's really funny. I thought to myself "I want to be that funny".... I figured her wit is basically only attributed to Twitter so.... there it is. Let it be known, though, that for once..... Jen was NOT the first person to start a craze!! I know that's hard to believe as she is pretty much the most trend-setting person alive, but it's true, people. Very true. Anyway, for those of you that don't know, Twitter is like a micro-blogging tool and it's totally awesome. There's so many times I see things that I want to blog or mention to someone but by the time I get back to my computer, that thought is LOOOOOONG gone. Now, I can text Twitter from my cell phone ANYWHERE. I love technology.

Trevor and I are having chicken stir fry for dinner. He just totally had a meltdown because... well. He can't cook rice. It never fails. He manages to totally fuck up rice every single time he cooks it. Anyway, once again, he totally bombed cooking it. I don't know how you cook rice and end up with rice in a pot of water. I mean, I'm not even sure how that could happen. There is a multitude of ways you could theoretically mess it up, but usually it does not involve an excess of water. He swears he measured everything right, but... I mean.... that's impossible. Anyway, I think he is more annoyed that I took the 1/2 cup of rice we have left and made it.... and it's perfect. Hahahaha. Really though, hurray for a team effort, because I friggin' LOVE stir fry.

Also very excited to be watching the Redskins game tonight!! YEEESSSSS, football season! It's on RIGHT now. I haven't kept up with much pre-season so far, because of the Olympics and well, life.

Aaahhh, the Olympics. I'll be perfectly honest. I wish it was the World Cup. But if I can't have the World Cup, the Olympics is the NEXT BEST THING. I mean, no matter that the Chinese are doing a great job of making themselves look like jerks. How about telling a little girl she isn't pretty enough to sing, but her voice is still good enough for them to exploit? Or, how about them fake, pre-recorded fireworks? OR, how about those little Chinese gymnasts. Come on, China. We know those girls are barely 13. Some of them haven't gotten their PERIODS yet. I hope they get that sorted out soon because I would love to see the US have the gold for the women's teams. GO USA! Go Olympics. Woop, woop.... woop.

Okay, well, I have to go take my perfect rice off the stove, feed my kid, and watch some fooooootball. Yes, I'm ready.

Tweet, tweet.

Video Blogging Part 3

I swear later today I will just WRITE a blog.

Think Before you Blog Part Deux

Seriously. i think you are supposed to like, write out some bullet points or something because I always just press record and find myself wondering what the frick I am supposed to say.


My kid's cute, though, so who cares that I look like a bumbling moron?

Think Before you Video Blog

Yackity Yak

I started a blog, and then realized that I was having some deja vous and THEN realized that half of what I was going to blog about was included in my last entry, SO. Let me pick up where I left off!

Saturday I sat around most of the day because Trevor was working, but after he got off we drove down to my dad's house because his friend Steve was in town from London. That guy was HILARIOUS. We had a great time..... Dad grilled steaks, my faaavorite. Then, Dave marinated some romaine lettuce and grilled it. I have never had lettuce that way and it was DELICIOUS. Then, we also grilled some corn on the cob that my grandfather grew. We actually stayed pretty late, sitting around on the deck drinking and "shootin' the shit". Dad broke out a couple of joints, which made me giggle. He knows I smoke pot, and I know he smokes (sometimes I get it for him) but we have never really smoked together so that was fun.

Sunday morning I sat around and did nothing again since Trevor was at work, AGAIN... but before he left he went to Hardee's and got me breakfast, which I shared with Lily. It's so strange to see her pick a hash brown out of the bag and eat it. Then, Sunday night we went to dinner at Kabuki for my sister's birthday (which was Thursday). Lily cried when this party of black chicks got to hit the gong and smashed the crap out of it..... I mean, it was loud enough to shatter adult ear drums, so I felt bad for her. We took her to Kabuto's once when she was like 6 months and she was fine with it, but when they did the fire flare up she cried. Once for our table, and once for the table behind us. She got over it pretty quick, though, and everything else those guys did just fascinated the hell out of her. I got scallops because I just LOVE scallops at Japanese Steak Houses. They have this amazing crust, but the scallop itself just melts in your mouth like butter. Overall, we had a great time with my dad, his fiance, Trevor, Kelly and her boyfriend, Josh.... then dad's roommate (girl rents a room from him) Wendy, and his best friend Dave and his wife Leslie and their two sons Austin (16) and Conner (4). Conner was pouting and mad when we first got their but by the time the guy showed up at our table he was having the time of his life!! It was so cute to hear him yell "WOOOOOOAAAAAWWWWW" in his little 4 year old voice every time the guy did something cool. After that we drove back home and got to bed pretty early. Trevor and I were both exhausted.

Today was supposed to be my last Early Intervention Group class. For anyone that doesn't know, right before I found out I was pregnant, I got a DUI (Driving Under the Influence... of alcohol). Here in VA, they give you lots of fines and then make you go to a class called Alcohol Safety Action Program (ASAP). Well, when you go to ASAP they make you submit a urine analysis, which I did, and failed (which I knew I would). I had quit smoking pot by then (because I was pregnant) but there was still a decent amount in my system. You don't get in trouble for this, per se, but they do refer to you another place (Virginia Institute of Pastoral Care) to see if you need further treatment, which OF COURSE you always do, because they sure need that money. So, I had to go to this other class for 16 weeks before I can even ATTEND the ASAP class for 10 weeks (ASAP cost me 575 dollars). I went to this other class for 9 weeks and was then admitted to the hospital early. Crazy birth, didn't go back, they sent my case back to court and so I finally just started going back to finish the last 6 classes. The whole point of this was, today is my last class, but it's also a good friend of ours son's birthday in Chesapeake (which is about 2 hours from us, by the beach).... so I called out of my class to do that tonight instead. I know she is going to drug test when I get back, which pisses me off because 1) I just did one last week and 2) The class costs 30 dollars a session. If you get randomly drug tested, which happens a minimum of 2 times, then you have to pay 25 extra dollars for the drug screen. So I paid 55 bucks last week, and I KNOW I will have to next week. For anyone wondering how the hell I am passing these things (because we all know I likey the marijuana), I purchased synthetic urine for 30 bucks a bottle and I use that. The drug screens for this class are not observed, but I am 99% sure the ones for ASAP ARE observed (a lady watches you pee), so I actually do need to get clean before I go to that. So, this gives me an extra week! And I'm excited because I love visiting our friend Matt, and his son is just SOOOOO adorable. Plus, I think Trevor has off tomorrow, so I am thinking we might just stay the night down there and go to the beach tomorrow morning! I have only been once this summer and the summer is almost gone.

In 16 days, I start school! Craaaaazy. I guess that's really all the news and excitement I have. Besides the fact that I am obscenely depressed that my camera is broken. I am a picture freak. I take pictures to go out to dinner on a random night or something. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT A CAMERAAAAAAAA.

That's all.

Vicariously

Okay. So. Since my last update. Trevor and I ended up not being able to swing the Otakon dinner. I was obscenely upset at first, but then I just came to grips with the fact that shit happens, and there's not shit that can be done about it.

Thursday night, I went to Avalon for my sister's birthday party..... that was fun, but strange to be one of the oldest people at the party. It was nice to get out of the house, put on a dress and some makeup..... leave the house to go do something other than go to the grocery store.

Friday, my mom came and got Lily and I so we could go to her mother-in-law's who was keeping my half-brother (he's 10). Jean (my mom's mother-in-law.... my step-grandmother) just LOOOOOOVES babies, and even baby-haters love Lily, so yeah. We went down there to go swimming and hang out with Wes. It was a nice change of scenery for the day, and I find my brother to be very entertaining. Then, my mom had to return some shoes at Willow Lawn so we did that, and got a soda, and let's just say I should NOT have peeked into Hallmark because what did I see but PILES of the newest webkinz and I WANT THEM. Went home after that. Trevor and I took Lily and had dinner at Ruby Tuesday's and the service sucked. Every time we go out the service just blows ass. Like, maybe we look young and cheap or something... I don't know, but I am DAMN TIRED of getting shitty service. We had to get up and refill our own drinks, for hell's sake! I complained to the manager.... which I hate doing but I waited tables and bartended FOREVER, and I really hate waiting on myself when I go out. I didn't want anything free, and we paid for our food, but I just wanted the server to know the reason he didn't get a tip wasn't because we are cheap and young and poor, but because he was a shitty server that was sitting down watching TV while we were getting our own drinks. Anyway, the manager offered me a job, which is crazy since I was just thinking about doing something a couple of nights a week just to get out of the house, and make a little extra cash while getting a change of scenery. So, like. I rule. I bitched at someone and got a job out of it. Oh, side note though, I bitch in a very professional and calm manner. OHHH. Other side note, Trevor started choking in the middle of dinner and it was the scariest thing ever, I thought he was going to die and I couldn't help him and he wasn't making noise, so no one else could see or tell he was choking and I had to yell for help and then he was okay. That was an obscene run-on sentence, but it was one of the scariest things ever.

Also. Big thumbs down to the judges of America's Best Dance Crew. I guess they felt that if they put Fanny Pak against anyone else in the finale, it just wouldn't be a fair fight. Their routines, particularly the two from the show they got eliminated from were not only creative and entertaining, but always ON POINT. They N-E-V-E-R miss a step, an angle, NOTHING. I mean, SoReal Cru is my favorite, but Fanny Pak was clearly the best crew this season. Welp, I hope SoReal takes it home, but I'm sure SuperCrew will win.

And Mario Lopez will still be as douche-y as ever.

During the Olympics Opening Ceremonies last night (which I have never watched before) there was a hysterical preview for The Office premiering again September 25th. YES. That makes my fall. If I could just get Friday Night Lights back.

Tonight, we are going to my dad's for a poolside food thingie deal. He has some friend in from London so that outta be entertaining. If something wild happens, I will totally talk about it later ;)

Broken Axle

Well, Trevor's parents paid our rent again. It's embarrassing, but I am SO SO thankful they did because we were totally screwed. Thankfully, today and tomorrow are Trevor's last two days to serve in jail. He also just switched from serving to cooking so finances are..... non-existent.

First, yesterday, it was pretty much known and decided that we could just not afford for me to go to Otakon and meet Jen and go to the dinner which is all I really cared about anyway. Then, my dad wanted us to come for dinner, and truthfully, we really couldn't even afford to do that (he lives 30 minutes away). But we did anyway, and he pulled me aside and said "Here's some extra gas money" and handed me a hundred dollar bill. I love my pops. Trevor's parents also sent us a gift card for Wal-Mart so we were able to get our diaper and wipe supply as well as GROCERIES. It's rare we have groceries for ourselves. I mean, we usually have SOMETHING, but generally, we just make sure Lily is fully stocked.

Anyway, so my dad's friend Satish was in town from India and he made us the best Indian curry I have EVER EVER had. It was delightfully spicy and I hate cilantro... but Indians sure do know how to use some coriander!! We hung out at Dad's for a while and then came home.

I let Trevor drive the car to our friend Brad's house, because he lives near the jail. From there, he got a ride with Brad and then Brad will go pick him up and he can drive our car home. That saves us about 50 bucks because normally we drive to Williamsburg, I drive back. Then Wednesday, I drive back AGAIN and we come home. This way, it's only one trip. This morning I had a small anxiety attack because I HATE being stranded without a car. NO, I don't need to go anywhere, but I just.... WHAT IF I WANTED TO?? I mean, there's always family in case something goes crazy and I REALLY need some help, but what if I just wanna run to the mall for fun, or grab a burger?

Anyway, Kelly took me to Cracker Barrel, because, dammit I deserved a Webkinz. Plus, I spied the duck at the Cracker Barrel in the West End, and that was pretty much the first one I ever wanted besides the pink googles. It's by far my favorite. It's just too bad I didn't have time to get to a JC Penny's or Limited Too for a gloss or body spray. My blueberry is running pretty low already.

So anyway, I might still be able to go to the Hard Rock Dinner but it all depends on what happens the rest of this week. My dad said I could use his corporate apartment so that cuts out hotel cost. All we really need is gas money, so everyone keep your fingers and toes crossed that things work out. I REALLY want this mini-vacation.

I can't wait to start school so I have something to do at least one day a week.

I truthfully only updated this blog in case someone is sitting on the john surfing the web while poo-ing... (I poo-surf). It's a pretty quick read because my life is booo-ooooring. :)