Hollandaise and Guilt

I have become a terribly unfaithful blogger. Henceforth, wherefore, howforth..... I vow to be better about this. You know, people, apparently blog for money. Maybe there are people that want to read about my life. Highly doubtful, but that would be interesting. I could be like, a famous blogger one day.... crazy stay at home mom.... I like it.

So here's the latest news for me!! I have just finished my first semester at the culinary program. So far I did get an A in Intro to Culinary Arts (first 8 weeks), College Success Skills (second 8 weeks), and I am pretty confident I got an A in Stocks, Soups and Sauces (but haven't received my final practical grade, or project grade.... still confident), and I mean, unless I TOTALLY EFFED my final in Sanitation and Safety (which I doubt I did) then I got a VERY high A in that class. He kept my project to show future classes as an example. :D I am such a nerd. I am psyched about having 3 weeks off..... and about next semester. The next round of of classes is some Nutrition class, Meat, Seafood, and Poultry Preparation, and Fruit, Vegetable, Starch Preparation.... and Food and Beverage Service Management... starting January 12th. I really have no idea what to do with my Wednesdays for the next few weeks, but how exciting. Also, I think I feel most happy because I have gotten through the first semester, worked hard, and it paid off. Furthermore, I still want to keep going. I was terribly afraid I was going to get through one semester and find I really didn't want what I thought I wanted at all, but that isn't the case. I am just as passionate about food and taking my skills to another level as I was before. I constantly finding myself trying to learn as much as I can about food, and the culinary industry.

I also might begin working soon. I know that I've said this before, but I had an interview with a lady that owns her own catering business and she needs an assistant. Now, she really can't afford to pay for an assistant, and I really can't afford for her to NOT pay me, but we were really drawn to each other (after 3 weeks of e-mails and sudden events preventing us from meeting). I feel like God put this opportunity in my life for a reason, and he is just saying "Trust Me". So, despite the fact we have discussed no real details, I am making myself available for this, and I am going to dedicate myself to this job, even if it's only a few hours a week. Perhaps it will grow to more. For me to be working for a catering company is awesome number one. Number two, what she needs is exactly what I'm good at. I am super-organized... almost to an OCD level... so I know I can help her. Anyway, I really liked her, and of course I am interested in learning anything I can regarding food. More to come on this after Christmas, and maybe the New Year.

Trevor and I have begun to attend church, which makes me happy. I got to the point in my life when I really felt like.... "Everything is so wrong, and I can never fix it. God HAS to be the only thing right". I am starting to learn to surrender to God, and follow His path for me, rather than trying to carve out my own. After losing my best friend of over a decade... by her choice, I was overcome with grief and sorrow. She was basically the only person I felt understood me-- loved me no matter what flaws I had, and we always, always had fun together. Truthfully, I felt as though she was my only friend. I have no job, and I think maybe I'm a bit shy in real life, and all the people that used to be my friend either weren't very good friends to begin with, don't live near me, or stopped being my friend for one reason or another. After a while, you start to feel like it's you. I kept thinking, what is so wrong with me that no one will be my friend? Why does no one love me? I spent a lot of time being sad, depressed, and wallowing in self-pity. I still do that sometimes, but mostly, I have become overwhelmed with gratitude for what God has given me. All the things that I have that lots of people don't. My beautiful, beautiful, Lily. I am learning to believe that if I just do what God has planned for me, everything will be alright. I am feeling like, if I just have Him, I can make it.

Aaahhhh, Lily. She is getting bigger all the time. Her last doctor visit weighed her in at 21 lbs, 11 oz, and 2 1/2 feet tall, with a head circumference of 18 inches. The doctor said she was REALLY smart. Lily says haaaaiii (Hi), Baaah Baayyyeee! (Byebye), socks, shoes, poopoo (my fave), peepee, mama, daddy, oma, "did it" (I did it), Seeit? (Can I see it...?), milk, and various other endless babbles that are obscenely adorable. Also, the last few days her thing is to see something she likes and pucker her lips and say "oooOOOOOoooo". She likes things with buttons to press. In the morning, she does my daily Webkinz activities while sitting my lap. I load each game, and she presses the mouse button for Wishing Well, Wheel of Wow, and she laughs every time Arte talks. She can walk on her own, but refuses to do it. When she gives hugs now, she pats you on the back. She blows kisses, and tells you when she wants to go "nigh, nigh" (night, night). She also insists on having a cookie (which is actually a rice cake... or anything from a crinkly bag) whenever she gets in the car. If you try to give her a juice, she slaps it out of your hand. She has learned to throw incredible temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. She insists on having her own to spoon to hold while she eats. She rarely uses it (but always tries), and refuses to take a bite unless it's in her hand. We have this cat we are feeding that was left here or something. She chases it around the house howling in laughter. I am dying to get her a puppy. Her molars are poking through the gums. She doesn't cry endlessly really, but she is an expert whiner now, and has crossed into a phase that doesn't always involve her being the angel she once was. Still, she is the most joyful thing in my life, and I am so happy with her.

For Christmas, I am going to meet Trevor's whole family. I have only met his parents, his sister, and his grandparents, and his mom's sister before. We are driving up to DC on Monday and staying the night there. Then, Tuesday morning we are going to a tour of the Pentagon. How freakin' cool is THAT?! We are having dinner there, and then coming back that night or the next day. I have this Brazilian friend in my culinary class, and he is all by himself for Christmas, so I am thinking of forcing him to tag along with me and Lily and Trevor. Christmas morning we are going to my Dad's I believe for brunch and presents. Then, I usually stop by my mother's house... as well as my aunt's, because my grandmother and other aunt are usually there, also. I love seeing all my family and I love the holidays so much! I have been doing odd and end jobs for my Dad so that I can get a present for Trevor and a few things to put under the tree for Lily without using the money Trevor earns to do it. I have so far cleaned off two decks, cleaned out 30 or so window sills, and re-organized a garage. Good thing Dad pays well! ;) Anyway, more on what I am getting everyone later... after Christmas... when there is no danger it might get read. I am thinking I might grab Mateos (my Brazilian food friend) a couple things so he can open something at each house. Like, a calendar, an American cookbook, and a guide to Richmond or something. I really need to get shopping seeing as Christmas is in exactly 1 week and I have not bought anything for anyone. Nice. Also, I have filled out 5 Christmas cards out of the about 20 I need to do. What am I DOING all day!?

Resolutions to be Considered for the New Year:

-blog more
-continue to do awesome at school
-follow only God's path
-relax more, worry less
-lose at least 50 lbs


.... more thought to come on that. I still have a couple of weeks.