Sunday and New Books

I like Sundays. I usually spend Saturdays and/or Sundays cleaning my house and doing laundry. I spend hours doing homework, which, for a geek like me, isn't that bad. Most of all, I like a Sunday with a new book. Well, I got the next two books in the Twilight series.... and something about having a brand new book with its glossy smooth cover, and crisp pages. The smell of a new book, too. I also got a cute new bookmark that is made of thin metal but it has a cute saying on it ("Shoot for the moon-- even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" -Les Brown) and it has ribbon with little moon and star charms attached. Me likey. Trevor always bitches about how I fold the pages of the book, and recently I had a discussion with someone else about it (but I forgot who) and so I am trying to be a bookmark-user instead of a corner-folder. I somehow feel much more cool with a cute bookmark peeking out of my copy of New Moon-- the book series for teens. Whatev.

Lily is down for a nap so this is the IDEAL time period to immerse myself in the world of Edward and Bella.

****SPOILER ALERT**** If you are reading Twilight or New Moon stop reading this now (unless you are reading New Moon and you are past the first 100 pages).













HOW COULD HE LEAVE HER?!?!?!?!?!?! And took the CD!! AND THE PICTURES!!!! *cries*

Loss.

My best friend since third grade hates me. I have no idea why. Actually, I can't EXACTLY remember the last time we saw each other.... I know that I have called more times than I could count. I have texted, and e-mailed.... almost to the point of sad stalkerness. No response. Trevor suggested I just write her a goodbye letter (as this has been going on for a couple of months). He figured either she would respond, or not... in which case I would have closure at least. I would KNOW our friendship is over. But I don't want closure and I don't have it either.

I hate that I spend part of EVERY DAY wondering what I could have done to make her never want to talk to me again. I hate that I rack my brain thinking about every text I sent, every comment I've made, every action.... what did I do? I hate that I will never share anything with her again. I hate that my daughter won't know her growing up. She was like a sister to me. I hate that I see things in the store and think about how she would like them... make a mental note to come get things as a Christmas present I won't ever give. Most of all, I hate that I care so much. I hate that I feel so pathetic, and I hate that I'm so hurt. I'm so, so sad that we will never talk again. That our friendship is over. She was my true friend, my soul mate... or so I thought.

What could make someone hate you so much they won't even tell you why they are ending a 15 year friendship? What is so bad about me that I have no friends.... not even my own husband likes me. Why am I so alone... and so lonely?