Spring Clean

Today is the first day of spring. I love spring and summer. I love sunshine. I love going outside with Lily which is even COOLER now because she wants to know what EVERYTHING is and she wants to go EVERYWHERE. Everytime she points at something and says "WOOOOOOWWW!!" my heart melts like butter on pancakes.

I don't see how there are mothers that get tired of their kids, etc. I mean, sure, there have been times when I wanted to shake Lily so hard (which I would obviously never do, but I know for a fact there is not a parent alive that hasn't felt that way). Still, by the end of the day, I can't ever remember why, and any moment of ugliness has faded into time so fast it's like it never happened. Every day I look forward to the new adventure we are going to have. Now she is old enough to go do so many things... every day she says new words and discovers new things. Excuse me for being a moony geek parent, but it's just so freaking cool.

Lily and I went to Dad's for dinner tonight. I try to go visit my dad once a week because he adores Lily. She can throw all out war-style tantrums and he still thinks she is greatest gift on earth. I mean, while she is whining he is still mooning over her. It's so crazy to see someone you have known for 25 years as a total hardass look like such a marshmallow-y sap. My mother usually seems excited to have a cute little fun buddy, but dad is just in love. Every time I see him he has some outfit or some little trinket for her. She knows when we turn onto his street. Sometimes she looks around my house for "Paw". Anyway, it's cute. On both of their accounts.

Today I also had a friend over that is going to have a baby girl in a few months. We hung out and talked for a great while and played with Lily, and I gave her a bunch of Lily's old things that I had already packed away. I never wanted to take my stuff and get money for it because probably 99% of it we got free. Our friends and family always helped us when we needed it most and I just kind of wanted to pay that forward. Anyway, it was hard to let some of those things go and see how itty bitty they were. It reminded me of all those moments when she was so tiny and innocent and immobile and precious and fragile.... all those moments I won't have again. *heavy sigh*. Despite all the fun of having a toddler is, watching my little baby grow into one is obscenely difficult. I'm not going to cry.

Orientation tomorrow at the cafe I am starting at. Hopefully another sunny day tomorrow. I need to lose 50 pounds in 3-4 months. When I put on a bathing suit this summer, I do NOT want to feel like an albino whale. I want to wear just, maybe, 5 things from before I was pregnant. I am pretty sure leaning on the "I just had a baby crutch" ends at 12 months at the latest and Lily is fast approaching 2 years old. I am severely out of shape. Not just like I don't feel good about the way I look, but I am not healthy. I was struggling to walk sloooowly up a steep hill at Maymont. If I had gone by myself, and taken the stroller.... someone would have found me on the path/hill crying. For reals. That made me sad for myself. I can't walk up a hill without being severely winded?? I can literally FEEL that my thighs have jiggled for 45 minutes as we were walking? Gross. While I can't afford a gym membership and the thought of running makes me want to trip myself up on the pavement.... I think I will do the workouts OnDemand. They are free, they have plenty of variety. I already do the 5 minute yoga in the morning (the stretching feels so good...)... why not do some cardio workout, or ab workout later in the day? I have time, and I am tired of feeling like a fatass. More on this endevour to come.... hopefully.

I am sleepy and ready to curl up on my oversized bottom on the couch, with a blanket and the television.